How to make a great bride’s wedding speech

Oh, whoops … should a bride make a wedding speech? Surely this is an escape from the traditional male-dominated scenario? OK, with a hat-tip to tradition we have covered male speeches in this series here for the father-of-the-bride, here for the groom, and here for the best man.

How to make a great bride's wedding speech

These days the women don’t just sit around looking beautiful, despite the fact that they are – they can get up and make speeches that often knock spots off those made by the men.

But we’ve only just got started. These days the women don’t just sit around looking beautiful, despite the fact that they are – they can get up and make speeches that often knock spots off those made by the men. So let’s start with …

The bride’s wedding speech: content points can you consider

You may only want to get up and say a very few words, and that’s great. But conversely you may want to say quite a lot.

Here follows a checklist of topics you can choose from, whatever length of speech you want to make… [Continue reading]

How to tie telemarketers up in knots…

We can all understand what a hard job telemarketers have, and how they must harden themselves at a personal level to withstand being told to, er, do something connected with sex and travel up to 100 times per day.

How to tie telemarketers up in knots...But no matter how much they need the job and should be pitied, there comes a time when a little mischief on our part won’t hurt them – and will provide us with some very welcome relief from the ludicrous telephone conversations we can have with these people…

Try these telemarketer stumpers when they call

Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leo, playing a joke. “Come on, Leo, cut it out! Seriously, Leo, how’s your mother?”

If they start out with, “How are you today?” say, “I’m so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . . ”

If they say they’re John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

This works great if you are male. Telemarketer: “Hi, my name is Judy and I’m with XYZ Company. ” You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, “What are you wearing?” Cry out in surprise, “Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?” Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

Say “No” over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

If the company cleans rugs, respond: “Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?”

After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can’t just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, and they can’t sell to employees.

Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, “Oh my God!” and then hang up.

Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, “I guess you don’t want anyone bothering you at home, right?” The Telemarketer will agree and you say, “Me either!” Hang up.

Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

Tell the Telemarketer you are on “home incarceration” and ask if they could bring you some beer.

Ask them to email the information to you, and make up an address.

Tell the Telemarketer, “Okay, I’ll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I’m not wearing any clothes.”

If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up . . . louder . . . louder . . .

Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.

Think these tips will fix your next telemarketing caller? Then please share this article with your friends!


How to write emails that work – 10 Quick Tips

HTWB email marketing Aug-14

Here on HTWB we have looked at email a few times in the last four years, but its criteria have evolved since its early days and it makes sense to keep up with the way that has been happening. If for no other reason, we need to do this because the … [Continue reading]

How to make a great best man’s wedding speech

HTWB best man 01

Moving on from my earlier articles on wedding speeches - a general overview, plus some tips for the father of the bride (or whoever performs this role) - let's now take a look at some ideas and guidance for the best man's speech. What are the best … [Continue reading]

How To Write Better wins Highly Commended in UK Blog Awards 2015

HTWB Blog Awards logo

How To Write Better has won a Highly Commended award in the individual section of the PR, Media, Marketing and Comms section in this prestigious UK Blog Awards 2015. I really can't thank you all enough for voting for the site late last year - it … [Continue reading]

How to tell funny jokes in a speech – tutorial

HTWB jokes 03 bride

In honor of this year's wedding season I have been sharing some ideas for wedding speeches here on HTWB, and part of many wedding speeches - especially that of the best man - depends on the use of funny jokes and general humor. But humor isn't … [Continue reading]