And the Hilarious Spam Of The Week award goes to…

This week I’ve had some real spam email doozers lurch into my inbox. Please help me decide which is the worst/funniest …

And the Hilarious Spam Of The Week award goes to...Paypal costumessd@e-paypal.com
Dear Costomer,
we would like to let you know that paypal. had received the report,
and are setting up your account. You have the labilité to activate your account.
If you want to stay with us Members, please visit
ETC…
Can you let me know what a labilité is? Yours confused from Milton Keynes, A Costomer.

DİKSİYON ve GÜZEL KONUŞMA Eğitim Seti – CD-ROM
”GÜZEL KONUŞMAK BİR SANATTIR”
— DİKSİYON EĞİTİMİ —
Topluluk önünde konuşurken sesimizin titremesi veya kayması, aklımızdan geçenleri istediğimiz şekilde ifade edememe, elimizi kolumuzu nereye koyacağımızı, nereye bakacağımızı, nasıl duracağımızı şaşırma, konuştuğumuz kişinin ilgisini uyanık tutamama… Çoğu insanın yaşadığı dogal problemler… Ancak sosyal yaşamımızı, kariyerimizi kısacası hayatımızın her alanını olumsuz yönde etkileyen bu unsurlar, alacağınız bu eğitim sayesinde yok ediliyor.
ETC…
What the hell makes you think I’m fluent in Turkish? I think it’s time you invested a weeny bit more in your international spamming – e.g. local market translations.

Guy Venner guyvenner@crassone.co.jp
Hi Suzan
http://agmconsultores.net/instance.php?addition=pxx1c29u51ez
guyvenner@yahoo.co.uk
Guy
Hi,
This SYSTEM actually made more than
a million dollars in cash for a handful of
accounts and is designed to do so over the
NEXT year… And this money machine will
make you outstanding profits week after
week.
The System Does EVERYTHING For You.
A 100% f.r.e.e money system and cash out
within 24 hours.
The world’s first and only guaranteed 100%
accurate push-button trading software.
ETC…
Hey, Guy – you get around a bit, don’t you? Japanese email address for a company that (sic) “Provide information surrounding mediation residential construction of housing-related construction and housing-related products,” WordPress site template set up but not written for accountancy firm in Spanish, Yahoo UK email address? Where next? Have a great trip around the world and I hope you drown nice and slowly when your boat capsizes.

OFFICIAL NOTIFICATION
You have 1 week remaining to retrieve your premium prize of “Samsung Galaxy Promo” Category’C’
WINNING PRIZE INCLUDES:
1.Sum of Seven Hundred and Fifty Thousand Euros 2.Samsung Galaxy S6 EDGE.
Winning Ticket Number:WIN-01331A/SMG15
Complete and fill in the attached claim application form carefully and follow the instructions.
CONTACT:
Claims Officer.
YONG WAN-CHIU.(Notaris)
samsung.communications@europe.com”
We advise you to keep this winning notification confidential and away from public notice to avoid double claim/mistransfer or impersonation until/after remittance/payment to you.
Congratulations.
Samsung Europe
ETC…
Now, hush, don’t tell me … am I right that the next email tells me I’ve won all that money and a phone and all you need now is my bank details? Whoopee! I’ll put the champagne in the fridge now.

Hey,
There is nothing like this, bottom-line.
If you’ve been going back and forth, on what to do. I am
going to blow your mind with this one. Already, people are
raving about it and its not even that public.
Take a minute: (klickboost)
Yesterday, an 80 year old man emailed me and said he
already got 15 new sales from this system and that was
the first time in 15 years – he’d seen a return.
. . . MIND BLOWN!!
STOP WASTING YOUR TIME
ETC…
How’s the old boy doing now? Real shame he had his mind blown by your scam – now he’ll be too old and too doo-lally to enjoy his upcoming bankruptcy.

I offer you an easy and discreet date)) I know you’re a decent man, and I want you to surprise s*x in which there was no need to deny yourself in something)) The most important thing is to find a suitable and safe partner. Be sure you already found! It’s me)). I give you safe s*x without any commitments)) During our meeting we’ll be in the condition of unbridled desire, which will be much to excite us and call us the endless occurrences. This will be a wonderful song which our bodies will sing. I’m waiting for you. Come here.
Thanks, dearie, but I’m female and am not into girls. And my body is a crappy singer. Sorry.

来自 RE:Any comments by return will be much appreciated / Account Manager/frhrg9e/ 的消息:
Dear Sir/Ms,
Good day!
As an ISO certified factory, we specialized manufacture Mould making/ Sheet metal process/ Die-casting/ Precision stamping/ Machining parts, with strong competitive price and excellent quality, for more than 20 years.
Any questions and enquiries will be highly regarded. Just email us the drawing and detailed requirement, you will get a complete quotation with technical analysis within 24 hours.
Your prompt reply is highly appreciated.
Best regards sincerely!
Michael
如果您在阅读此电子邮件时出现问题,请将以下地址复制并粘贴到您的浏览器中:
要分享您的照片或在朋友与您分享照片时收到通知,请获取属于您自己的免费 网络相册帐户。
Michael, do yourself a favour and lose all that Chinese script. If you want to spam Europe, at least get everything translated (not just a few lines.) If you’re hard up, maybe you should get together with our Turkish friend – see above. Google Translate might do you a deal.

sport-industry.net
Доброго дня!
Вы мечтаете ОТКРЫТЬ СВОЁ ДЕЛО, рекомендуем открыть фитнес-клуб или тренажерный зал, в своём городе или посёлке … ?
Но средств на его открытие пока недостаточно?
Не хватает финансов?
Дадим оборудование, тренажеры в кредит.
Поможем от А до Я, от начала рекламной компании до его запуска
Мы работаем без посредников, сами производим тренажеры, и сами ввозим.
Есть большой выбор, по цветовой гамме и ценовой политике, а также разных иностранных производителей.
С уважением,
Сергей, Управляющий Директор
Наши телефоны: 8 (044) 585-57-84/(067) 795-87-19
StarGym – магазин тренажеров
Wait a minute. You write in Russian but come from Kiev and want me to believe you have a gym in England? Anyway I prefer to exercise by walking my dogs. Spasibo.

Finance postmaster@kita-express
Good day, dear client!
Our office have recently shipped your purchase at you region post office.
You can find the order of your shipment in the email. Make sure to take a look atl.
Have a nice day.
Order/Invoice number
79516363
Accounts Department
Wavenet Group
Incorporating – Titan Technology, Centralcom and S1 Network Services
Tel 0844340392
You have a nice day too, you pus-festering putrid slime of donkey snot. (With thanks to Jon McCulloch for the term “donkey snot.”)

Juliana <suze@suzanstmaur.com>
Hey,
You are owed $24,718.11, please can you let me know where to send it?
Click here to verify
http://youshouldhaveitnow.com/r/thankyou0306/suze@suzanstmaur.com
Best Regards
Juliana
Oops! You’ve reached an invalid link on the www.youshouldhaveitnow.com domain.
Please contact the source of the link you just clicked and let them know.

Oh, Juliana! How could you! Just when I was fantasising about how I would spend the 24-odd thousand bucks it turns out your link is not only invalid but also spam? Boooooo hooooooo.

What’s your favourite spam of the week?

Before you hit delete (or empty your spam folder) have a quick look … some of them are just hilarious.

 

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