My own cynical little brain can’t help but wonder whether they are actual fashion statements, or perhaps malignant growths of evil trifids spurting forth from male humans’ heads in protest against the recent market decline in conventional horror genre stories? Please read and share your conclusions…
Man buns make my skin just crawl
Such f***ing stupid thinking
What do they hope to share withall
And all such crap so stinking?
Like a tumor on their crowns
These stupid mounds are growing
Tight elastics causing frowns
Their blood supply not flowing.
In the greater light of things
And future asking questions
What will they do with other things
When buns outgrow small sessions?
As hair does grow you always know
That buns flow into birds’ nests
Of filthy hair that’s too long there
So just what’s in such manifests?
Here’s what I think that goes into
Apple-shaped hair buns like this
Nits and gnats and bugs akimbo
Tied up like a Kardashian’s t*ts.
After time of course we wonder
Do those ditty buns reveal
Anything but stinks asunder
After days of dirty hell?
Well, I’d love to see what happens
When I snip the elastic band
Find out what disgusting atoms
Such a bun can keep in hand.
Does it really have to be there
Perched on some dear d*ckhead’s brain?
Does it make him much more likely
To connect with people sane?
No, my thoughts range round to humor
Once again as you expect
Man buns are like a social tumor
At least, that’s what I suspect
And when my thoughts turn round to sexy
Could I sh*g a bunned-up Brit?
I wouldn’t risk such apoplexy.
I would rather eat fresh sh*t.
If you enjoyed this, there are dozens more humorous poems and music articles right here on #HTWB …
Excerpted from “Mischieverse: rude humour that sort-of rhymes“
by Suzan St Maur
to be published in 2017
by Corona Books UK
© Suzan St Maur 2017
With many thanks for the loan of the above photo to Daily Headline. Please don’t sue me as I can’t pay for this – I run this website for diddly – but I do appreciate the hilarity of this image and I’m sure my readers do too, and will click through to your website for more info.