Why a roaring open fire is not always delightful…

As we say goodbye to chilly winter in the northern hemisphere, here’s a reminder of one of winter’s pleasures (unless you’re the one who has to clean it up) … in verse, from my forthcoming rude tome, Mischieverse. (NB: language has been tidied for a family audience…)

humorous poem about open fires

Want a fire? OK, right… Stack it up and light it then, next day YOU clean up the sh*te.

ROARING FIRE

Oh, I love an open fire
Such a welcome sight to see [Read more…]

Quick proofreading tips to slash those typos

Although I and various other professional writers and editors have written about proofreading here on HTWB in the past, unfortunately it’s a problem that just won’t go away.

proofreading on HTWB

How to proofread more easily and effectively…

Here, then, is a swift recap on some of the useful tips we know that can make a huge difference to the quality of whatever you write, whether it’s for your business, job, social or creative writing. [Read more…]

Do these common grammar mistakes still catch you with your pants down?

It’s amazing to think that it’s 6 years since I wrote this eBook and despite the fact that only a few thousand of you (well, quite a few thousand) have bought a copy, many of my lovely readers are still getting sh*t like this soooo wrong.

Common grammar mistakes: why do we still make them?

HTWB grammar Mar 17In a word – well, a few words – it’s because the English language has mental health issues. Ergo, it’s nuts. There are so many exceptions to rules in English that it’s hardly worth studying the actual rules.

All the same, for those mere 1.5 billion people who speak English as a first or other language, we need to get the basics right as far as is humanly possible. Here, now, are some excerpts from my earlier writings, distilled down into the main areas where we still screw up… [Read more…]

Have you ever swallowed more than a pill from a blister pack?

Trust me, that’s not as ridiculous as it sounds. And to warn you of its dangers, here is another excerpt from Mischieverse, my upcoming volume of somewhat rude poetry…

Blister packs from Mischieverse on HTWB

Trust me, blister packs can fool you, never shove their stuff up yours

BLISTER PACKS

Blister packs, heady whacks
Why are these so fiddly?
Break your nails, right off the rails [Read more…]

St Patrick’s Day: celebrate great Irish writers with HTWB…

st patricks day on HTWB

“Irish improves a poet.” Sina Queyras

In honour of St Patrick’s Day, here are some of my favourite quotes by wonderful Irish poets and other writers … enjoy!

George Bernard Shaw

*Youth is wasted on the young.
*You use a glass mirror to see your face: you use works of art to see your soul.”
*I often quote myself; it adds spice to my conversations.
*Never wrestle with pigs. You both get dirty and the pig likes it. [Read more…]

Are man buns hair, or tumors rare?

As man buns are so fashionable right now, I have written a Mischieverse poem about them.

Mischieverse on HTWB

Does it really have to be there, perched on some dear d*ckhead’s brain?

My own cynical little brain can’t help but wonder whether they are actual fashion statements, or perhaps malignant growths of evil trifids spurting forth from male humans’ heads in protest against the recent market decline in conventional horror genre stories? Please read and share your conclusions…

MAN BUNS

Man buns make my skin just crawl
Such f***ing stupid thinking
What do they hope to share withall
And all such crap so stinking? [Read more…]

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