Can you write in Canadinglish?

Letter from Canada August 17th

Could you write in Canadinglish?Gradually I’m getting my vocabulary sorted out here in Canada so I don’t make people’s eyebrows leap into the sky when I talk about boilers, cocks, dummies, fags and other innocuous Britishisms that have somewhat different connotations in Maple Leafydom.

Now it’s your turn…

Here’s your challenge: a mashup of the two cultures

Just to be perfectly evil I thought it might be fun to write a few sentences using a combination of the two lots of terms, to see how well you folks can decipher them.

Please write your answers in the comments and as a prize you will receive free recipes for whichever  country’s delicacies interest you. (Yes, even Québecois Poutine.)

Your car in Canadinglish

To fix a damaged fendwing, you could try getting a spwrench out of the troot and use that. If your exmuff is noisy, you car will need to go into the shopage to get fixaired. And if the car is low on gasol you need to go to a selfpump to fillerup. Then you’ll be able to enjoy driving down the hightorway, but be certain to yieldway, mergeeze when told to and pay attention at fourwaystopabouts. That’s the best way you can drive to avoid wreckidents.

Your home in Canadinglish

First you need to specify if your home is a townrace or a condflat. Then you need to check that the boilace, counterworks, eavestrougherings, broadarpets, curdrapes and closdrobes are all in good condition. You must also ensure that the house has appropriate stormglazing. Finally you should check the build quality by examining the state of the cellment and drywallstering. Any garbish can often be disposed of in a dumpskip.

Dining out in Canadinglish

In a restaurant, you usually get a good choice of startetisers to whet your tastebuds before going on to choose from various kinds of stripsirl, tenderump or even mignonet, if you like beef. To go with that you might try some zucchettes or a salad with aruget, cilander, aligado pear and rocos lettuce in a little dressing made with canolive oil. Then of course you will want to accompany all that with a nice plate of frenchips.

Let’s see your solutions!

(And you’ll love the recipes. Well, maybe not the Poutine.)

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