7 reasons not to underestimate children

It’s here, in writing – kids can and will get the better of you when they can. Here are 7 shining examples as shared with me by my cousin Alyson in Ottawa (Canada). Your #SundaySmile

7 reasons not to underestimate children

“And there’s the teacher, she’s dead.”

1.A whale of a time

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. [Read more…]

British history 101 … 101 years ago!

We often talk about “101” … but this is a bit different. Here an unknown author has written out how things were in Britain just 101 years ago, in 1915. In the light of Britain’s recent vote to leave the European Union, these figures (assuming they’re true) are especially interesting.

History 101 ... 101 years ago

101 years ago: crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn’t been invented yet.

In 1915, not only was Britain in the grip of World War One, but also …

[Read more…]

Funny Poems on How To Write Better – Orange Shoes

An excerpt from Mischieverse, my first book of incredibly rude and potty-mouthed poems out on Amazon pre-order now…

Orange Shoes

HTWB brogues

This awful orange locomotion…

Such nice young men who seem to choose
Alluring jackets, suits and trews
But feet just shod in shocking shoes
Bright orange brogues, no matter whose.

In this good year, twenty sixteen
It’s hard to know why they’re so keen
To shock the eyes of all who’ve seen
Bright orange brogues, so painfully clean.

Suited now in browns or blues
With shirts and ties a Lord would choose
Matched with belts (and a few tattoos)
They mess it all up with those orange shoes.

[Read more…]

19 vacation complaints you just won’t believe…

You couldn’t make them up … and no-one has. Having worked in the travel business myself I have seen complaints as idiotic as these – and worse. These were written in to a well-known British travel company…

How To Write Better seaside vacation jokes

“We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow.”

These make you wonder if such brainless nitwits should be allowed to breed…enjoy.

1. “They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax.” [Read more…]

9 ultimate quiz questions for your favourite know-it-all…

Know someone who knows it all? Here’s the ultimate quiz for people who know absolutely  everything…

Ultimate quiz questions from How To Write Better

And interestingly enough, these are not trick questions. I’m told they are straight questions with straight answers.

Bonne chance… [Read more…]

The best places to live in the USA…

Whether you live in North America or are thinking of moving there, here are some handy tips on the best places to go hang your hat… (original authors unknown)

You can live in Phoenix, Arizona where…..
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You’ve experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that “dry heat” is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME (is this what hell is like)??!!

You can live in California where…
1. You make over $250,000 p.a. and you still can’t afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought

You can live in New York City where…
1. You say “the city” and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan .
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can’t find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is “nature.”
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You’ve worn out a car horn.
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You can live in Maine where…
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco .
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

You can live in the Deep South where…
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. “y’all” is singular and “all y’all” is plural.
3. “He needed killin'” is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, MARY BETH, etc.
5. There are only 7 last names.

You can live in Colorado where…
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

You can live in the Midwest where…
1. You never meet any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: “Where’s my coat at?”
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, “It was different!”

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For more interesting facts and figures plus scores of jokes, funny articles and hilarious naughty poems, click right here on HTWB
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You can live in the Pacific Northwest where…
1. You sleep with your raincoat on.
2. Mt Rainier is your ‘benchmark’ when traveling.
3. You hate Californians.
4. You develop webbing between your toes.
5. You fight a black bear for the salmon you just caught.

AND you can live in Florida where…
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind — even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.

Still want to live in the USA? Or if you want some breathing space … come on up to Canada…!!

Wherever you live, make your writing lively!

“Super Speeches”…how to write and deliver them well
“How To Write About Yourself”…how to make the most of yourself, whatever you need to write
“Banana Skin Words and how not to slip on them”…over 1,500 spelling and grammar tips to perfect your written English

 

photo credit: kaneda99 via photo pin cc

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