And it’s more written fun and games from the UK’s Daily Whoopsie…

Yet more verbatim written quotes and captions from the UK’s much-loved Daily Fail … throwing grammar, syntax, spelling, geography and even sanity to the wind as usual. Despite being owned by billionaire Viscount Rothermere it seems they still can’t afford to hire proofreaders. Never mind: it makes their website even funnier…

Funny grammar mistakes in newspaper content

No wonder the monkey peed on his shirt.

Glamorous: Stylish Mirka mastered autumnal dressing in a striking monochrome striped dress under a fitted black jacket. She added a pair of knee-high heeled books to her look. Good girl. Even better if they were books written by “moi.”

Roger and Mirka are close friends of the Federers, who were guests at both Kate and younger sister Pippa’s weddings (pictured here at Pippa’s nuptials to James Matthews in May). Roger and Mirka ARE the Federers, d*ckhead. [Read more…]

How to make a small fortune out of horses…

…start with a large fortune…!

If you or someone you know loves – or possibly hates – horses, here are some excerpts from an evergreen little book I wrote, The Horse Lover’s Joke Book and its younger sibling, The Pony Lover’s Joke Book. Some are old favourites, but many of them are original, written by moi.

Funny stories and jokes about ponies and horses

Suze and friend (Suze is on the right…) as drawn by caricaturist Simon Ellinas.

Given that there are more than 3 million privately owned horses and ponies in Britain alone, with many of their owners working two jobs to keep the little darlings in comfort, these excerpts will resonate with at least one or two of your friends and acquaintances. Feel free to print this out and share over coffee and cake with them!

Choices
“Why the sad face?” asked one of two riders out on a hack.
“My husband says I have to choose between him and my mare,” replied the second rider.
“Gosh, I’m sorry,” commented the first rider.
“So am I,” replied the second rider. “I’m really going to miss him.” [Read more…]

My secret writing hobbies … I’ve been outed, from rude poems to horses

It all started a few years ago when a friend asked me to write a poem for his father-of-the-bride speech about his son-in-law-to-be, whom he loathed.

Rude poems from Suzan St Maur

Limericks are not my forte: rude poetry is.

I wrote one that seemed innocent enough to those outside the inner circle, but was a slight stab up the nose for the poor SOB who had just married my friend’s daughter. What we ended up with was a funny limerick that made Dad’s point without causing the bride to faint from embarrassment.

Strangely enough, these days I’m working quite closely with the inimitable Lewis Williams who has written hilarious, filth-spewing limericks about endless places … [Read more…]

Sheep jokes … no, not THOSE – funny ones!

Sheep jokes have a dubious reputation due to many people’s assumptions about what lonely shepherds and farmers get up to with them, but there is hope.

clean sheep jokes

I may be a (male) woolly jumper, but avoid encountering my horns if you want to go on to your full life expectancy.

Here are some sheep jokes that manage to be funny without even hinting at anything too rude. Enjoy! (And while we’re on this topic, whatever you do, don’t tangle with a ram unless he is particularly stupid, as this true story of mine explains…) [Read more…]

New book of very rude poems guarantees laughs to cure most problems

Want relief from daily stress?

Try this book – it’s just the best.

New volume of funny poems out this week on Amazon

Mischieverse is here, so get your copy now – there’s nothing better than a good laugh (and a rude one at that) to relieve the stress of our daily lives…

[Read more…]

More writing hilarity from the spam folder … you couldn’t make it up

Have you ever taken a look through the spam folder on your website? OK, it’s mostly writing about cheap clothes, designer knock-offs, porno sites and so-on. But if you look closely there are also some hilarious ones…here’s my selection to round off the week and give us all a laugh.

Funny spam comments to make us laugh

i was juѕt wondering if you get a llot ߋf spam remarks? If so howw dߋ yoս protect ɑgainst it, any plugin or anything you can suggest?

In case your hemorrhoids are triggering an excessive volume of irritation, you may want to carry on having a cozy bath. Make sure you load the bath tub with tepid to warm water. The heat of your water may help ease the itchiness while cleansing out and dirt of microorganisms that could be in the community. Thanks, I’ll be sure to share that advice throughout my community.

naturally like your web-site butt yyou need tto take a look at the spelling onn quite a few of your posts. Many of them are rife with spelling problems and I in finding it very troublesome to inform the reality on the other hand I ill surely come back again. Hope your own spelling has improved by the time you come back, nitwit. [Read more…]

css.php