The latest Daily Fail whoopsies: your SundaySmile

Another bumper crop of how the UK’s Daily Fail caption writers thumb their noses at syntax and logic – enjoy.

Funny caption mistakes from the Daily Fail

“Sitting atop of a stallion, the Little Mix star posed up a storm as her beau snapped away on her camera.” (Trust me, no stallion would put up with that bullsh*t.)

Some recent pearls of p*ss-poor writing…

[Read more…]

Do you talk about “robust?” Maybe you should think again…

Given the sadness in our current climate of tragedies in the UK, here is a small, innocent and slightly rude bitch about something to give us all a much-needed smile…enjoy.

Funny poem about the word "robust"

Now this gallant term is used … For business plans we’re told to trust … And other crap that’s not confused … But merely solid and robust.

ROBUST

Such a “now” word ‘seventeen
Write about this much I must
Gritty word that vents our spleen
Come on, let’s all be robust. [Read more…]

Want to write better? Some advice in (humorous) verse…

Fed up with reading articles on how to write better? Try a quick lesson in verse, instead … fresh from my hard-working keyboard. (And if you’d like to read some more funny poems, see here…)

funny poem about how to write better

HOW TO WRITE BETTER

Grammar fascists please take note now
Better not play games with me
Split infinitives then gloat how
You have got away scot-free…

Nor will stupid, foolish use of
Apostrophes in the wrong place
Get you more than my own tough love
(More likely a hard slap-ped face.) [Read more…]

A naughty poem about the POTUS and the FLOTUS

Enjoy some somewhat naughty verse based on observations of the USA’s Don and Mel on their recent worldwide travels …

EDIT SUNDAY JUNE 4th: As someone who lives within a short drive of the London (England) Bridge terrorist bombing atrocity last night, I just want to say how devastated I am and I hope in running this light-hearted poem it may help a little to lift the sombre mood in the UK today. Our thoughts are with the victims and their folks. xx

funny poem about the POTUS

Can you blame lovely FLOTUS ignoring his plans, when you think where his hands have been groping ya’?

POTUS AND FLOTUS

(With apologies to supporters of the current POTUS. Don’t worry, there are things to laugh about on the other team, too…)

POTUS and FLOTUS in Twenty Seventeen
A mismatch-ed couple, now that is for sure
Age, sex and customs of distance extreme
And lack of each other’s original culture.

One thing in common though, easy to spot
So simple to see why they congregated
Brain cells that simply don’t function a lot
And IQs that seem really “bigly” stagnated. [Read more…]

An election song to sing to doorstep canvassers…

If you’re in the UK you could be forgiven for saying you’re sick to death of local elections, general elections, referendums, etc. etc. So here is a little ditty you can recite or sing to the next group of canvassers to land on your doorstep, preferably to a tune similar to the first verses of Ella Fitzgerald’s “A Tisket, A Tasket.” (No, I’m not THAT old.)

funny poem about elections on HTWB

ELECTIONS

Elections, elections
Some purified collections
Of bullsh*t, pure bullsh*t
You really can’t deny. [Read more…]

Local advertisers: stop writing we-wee and start getting a decent ROI

Just over three years ago we published about the we-weeing problem in marketing material, and much as most pro writers like me bang on about it, it’s still raging away.

Local advertisers we-weeing on their customers HTWB

This historic little guy, Manneken Pis, has been we-weeing on people in Brussels, Belgium for 400 years. Fortunately this is good, for his business.

The reason why I am throwing the toys out of my pram this time is because I feel sorry for the ever-constant stream of local magazines that set up in all good faith, sell advertising space to local businesses, and go out of business themselves within a couple of years.

Why? Here’s my theory and it’s not their fault … it’s the fault of the we-wee local advertisers who, because they we-wee, don’t get the results they should from their advertising and so eventually abandon the local magazines as not cost-effective. Naughty, naughty and frankly, bloody ignorant.

Local advertisers: stop writing about how wonderful you are

(NB: After my rant, you’ll find 10 Tips on how to do it right, below!) [Read more…]

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