Alternative facts: it’s official. Bullsh*t is beautiful.

Now that we’re free to say we’re sharing “alternative facts” when we bullsh*t, doesn’t that just open up a fantastic new range of possibilities for us all? Here are some ideas to get you started, but please share your own alternative facts in the comments below. Welcome to this wonderful new world!

Alternative facts on HTWB

Simply lie through your teeth with bloody hard whacks, and poof! It’s fake news that you’re selling.

ALTERNATIVE FACTS

Don’t you just love these alternative facts?
Perfect solution to boring truth telling
Simply lie through your teeth with bloody hard whacks
And poof! It’s fake news that you’re selling. [Read more…]

The dirty truth about, er, garbage (in verse)

Think you know what happens to garbage (rubbish) in our so-called civilised countries? Do we really know the truth? And should we write some poetry about it? (Here’s mine…)

HTWB garbage poem 2017

Does it really get recycled all in one hit? Or are we being fed some more utter bull sh*t?

GARBAGE

Political correctness now spreads right into the rubbish
(Or garbage if you live towards the west of the Atlantic)
So much as we continue to throw out the normal bullsh*t
We’re leaned upon to file our crap in detail that’s just frantic. [Read more…]

Why you must, er, syllablervize your writing

Surely you’re up to speed on the current need to add syllables to words in your writing wherever you possibly can? Like, “conversate” – previously “converse“?

New long words on How To Write Better

Little Red Equi-apparel Hood took off her vestimentations and got into bed. (NB: this is a kids’ story, not porn.)

Or numerous others? If you don’t you are just toooo last year. But let’s be hardliners here and take a sharp look at this phenomenon.

New words in writing are great, if we need them. But do we?

Of course there is that scientific term, “ideation” previously “brainstorming” or even “head banging” or worse still “brain farting” which as all of us Grammar Police know is about generating ideas without their being aimed at, er, much. Oh, sorry: it should be “the process of generating a broad set of ideas on a given topic, with no attempt to judge or evaluate them.[Read more…]

How to write fluent Snobbish

English language,snobbish,snob,aristocracy,upper class,royalty,class system,humor,funny jokes

Are you fluent in Snobbish? Here’s some help…

Only a few years ago, if you wanted to be “posh” in England, you needed more than just a cut-glass accent: you needed (and still do need) to know Snobbish … the secret language that tells people you really are from the “top drawer.” [Read more…]

Email clichés we love to hate. And why.

Do you sometimes groan when you open an email and find it starting or finishing with a cliché that may be well-meant, but comes across as being as genuine / friendly as a cornered rat? And that’s just in your day-to-day eCorrespondence. It gets even better when it’s spam.

Email cliches we love to hate. And why.

Friend, foe, or someone trying to sort out my penile erectile dysfunction

In this run up to the Holiday Season when we’re focusing less on hard-nosed business and more on its lighter (but nonetheless important) aspects…do you agree with the following? [Read more…]

Why yummy makes me want to vommy

Are there any words that you absolutely hate the sound of, for no proper reason? Here’s one of mine from #Mischieverse … enjoy.

HTWB tongue 2

YUMMY

There is a word that makes me cringe
And feel I want to vommy
I know I really shouldn’t whinge
But that damned word is “yummy.” [Read more…]

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