Some funnies from American university life … enjoy!
In my senior year, I reluctantly took a required psychology course. The first day, the professor commented on each student’s major, trying to provoke a response. It was working – some students were becoming defensive. When it was my turn, I told him I was a music major.
“So,” asked my professor, “what does your father think of your wasting your education to study music?”
“He’s just thankful,” I shot back, “that I didn’t go into psychology.”
It suits you
My wife and I were at my high school reunion. As I looked around, I noticed the other men in their expensive suits…and their bulging stomachs. Proud of the fact that I weighed just five pounds more than I did when I was in high school–the result of trying to beat a living out of a rocky hillside farm–I said to my wife, “I’m the only guy here who can still wear the suit he wore when he graduated.”
She glanced at the prosperous crowd, then back at me, and said, “You’re the only one who has to.”
Problem to solve
The father was very proud when his son went off to college. He came to tour the school on Parents’ Day and observed his son hard at work in the chemistry lab. “What are you working on?” he asked.
“A universal solvent,” explained the son, ” a solvent that’ll dissolve anything.”
The father whistled, clearly impressed, then wondered aloud, “What’ll you keep it in?”
A college graduate applied for a job at the Central Intelligence Agency. Together with several other applicants, he was given a sealed envelope and told to take it to the fourth floor.
As soon as the young man was alone, he stepped into an empty hallway and opened the packet. Inside, a message read: “You’re our kind of person. Report to the fifth floor.”
The school of agriculture’s dean of admissions was inter- viewing a prospective student, “Why have you chosen this career?” he asked.
“I dream of making a million dollars in farming, like my father,” the student replied.
“Your father made a million dollars in farming?” echoed the dean, much impressed.
“No,” replied the applicant. “But he always dreamed of it.”
Two important lessons
First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, “In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor:
The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body.” For example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth.
“Go ahead and do the same thing,” he told his students.
The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.
When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, “the second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention.”
A college student in a philosophy class was taking his first examination. On the paper there was a single line which simply said: “Is this a question? Discuss.”
After a short time he wrote: “If that is a question, then this is an answer.”
The student received an “A” for the exam.
Keeping it in proportion
One semester when my brother, Peter, attended the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis, an art-student friend of his asked if he could paint Peter’s portrait for a class assignment. Peter agreed, and the art student painted and submitted the portrait, only to receive a C minus.
The art student approached the professor to ask why the grade was so poor.
The teacher told him that the proportions in the painting were incorrect. “The head is too big,” the professor explained. “The shoulders are too wide, and the feet are enormous.”
The next day, the art student brought Peter to see the professor. He took one look at my brother. “Okay,” he said, A minus.”
When I first started college, the professor came in and said “Good Morning” to all of us.
When we echoed back to him, he said “Ah, you’re Freshmen.”
He explained. “When you walk in and say good morning, and they say good morning back, it’s Freshmen. When they put their newspapers down and open their books, it’s Sophomores.”
“When they look up so they can see the instructor over the tops of the newspapers, it’s juniors.”
“When they put their feet up on the desks and keep reading, it’s seniors.”
“And when you walk in and say good morning, and they write it down, it’s graduate students.”
Do you know any funny jokes about university life? If so, please share them!