Cowboy jokes to laugh ya clean outta town…

Most cowboy jokes are either very rude or not funny, but I’ve gathered together a few that make me laugh without making me blush much. Some are from one of my titles, “The Country-Lover’s Joke Book.

Hi-ho, Silver, and enjoy – ya hear?

Funny jokes about cowboys

How to be a good cowboy rule #1: don’t squat with your spurs on.

Un-horsed
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink.  Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was.  When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.
He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.
“Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?!?” he yelled with surprising forcefulness.
No one answered.
“Alright, I’m gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain’t back outside by the time I finish, I’m gonna do what I dun in Texas!  And I don’t like to have to do what I dun in Texas!”
Some of the locals shifted restlessly.  The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post.
He mounted up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, “Say partner, before you go… what happened in Texas?”
The cowboy turned back and said, “I had to walk home.”

English cowboy
More than anything, a young man from Britain wanted to be a cowboy. He went to New Mexico in the US and eventually found a rancher who took pity on him and gave the lad a chance.
“This,” said the rancher, showing him a rope, “is a lariat. We use it to catch cows.”
“I see,” said the young man, trying to seem knowledgeable as he examined the lariat. “And what do you use for bait?”

How to be a good cowboy

**Don’t squat with your spurs on.
**Don’t interfere with something that ain’t bothering you none.
**If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.
**Always drink upstream from the herd.
**Telling a man to “git” and making him do it are two entirely different propositions.
**When you give a personal lesson in meanness to a critter or to a person don’t be surprised if they learn it.
**If you’re riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it’s still there.
**The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.
**If you get to thinking you’re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else’s dog around.
**And never, ever, miss a good opportunity to shut up.

Hanging around
A cowboy sees a guy tying up his horse in front of the saloon and calls, “Hey, are you folks gonna hang someone?”
The guy nods. “Yup. We’re fixin’ to hang Brown Paper Larry.”
The cowboy’s brow furrows. “How come he’s called Brown Paper Larry?”
“Well,” says the guy, “the man always wears clothes made of brown paper. Brown paper shirts. Brown paper pants. Even brown paper socks.”
The cowboy ponders this for a moment, then asks, “What are ya hangin’ him for?”
“Rustling.”

Where are you from?
The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo theatre.
When the usher came by and noticed this he whispered to the cowboy, “Sorry, sir, but you re only allowed one seat.”
The cowboy groaned but didn’t budge.
The usher became more impatient. “Sir, if you don’t get up from there, I’m going to have to call the manager.
The cowboy just groaned.
The usher marched briskly back up the aisle.
In a moment he returned with the manager.
Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success.
Finally, they summoned the police.
The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, “All right buddy, What’s your name?”
“Sam,” the cowboy moaned.
“Where ya from, Sam?” With pain in his voice Sam replied…. “The balcony.”

What are your favourite cowboy jokes?

Please share!

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Mischieverse is Suzan St Maur's first book of naughty, humorous poetry ... coming soon from Corona Books UK.Thinking of buying some gifts for folks with a good sense of humour? Check out my latest book of hilarious and somewhat rude poems about the things that get up our noses every day … perfect to chuckle over.
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Some samples here.
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“An amusing sideways look at anything and everything … the perfect gift.” A E Rawson, novelist.
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