Grammar Police: 20 New Year’s Resolutions…

Here is sneak preview of my New Year’s resolutions for 2017. Do you agree with them? Or am I being too strict a Grammar Police officer?

Grammar Police New Year's resolutions on How To Write Better
1. I will not split another infinitive no matter how hard it is to really do it.

2. I will not use ridiculous, contrived words like “conversate” or “expiration” (what’s wrong with “converse” and “expiry” FFS?)

3. I will not dangle participles no matter how difficult I will certainly find it.

4. As a diligent writer, my syntax will always be correct.

5. I will avoid writing very short sentences purely for effect. I’m. Not. A. Poser.

6. Never again will I mix my metaphors and similes like a Daily Fail caption writer on acid trying to make a Kardashian seem intelligent.

7. I will always chekc my writing for stupid little mistakes and careless omisions.

8. I will always make sure I stick my apostrophes in all the right place’s.

9. I will never misuse colons: or semi-colons; either.

10. I will decide to use either American or English spellings and cheque that every article is consistentized.

11. I will not use fancy foreign words to to try to impress people. That’s just so passé.

12. I Will Not Write Titles All Starting With Capital Letters Because They Are Bloody Hard To Read.

13. I WILL NOT WRITE ALL IN CAPITALS IN SOCIAL MEDIA BECAUSE THAT’S SHOUTING. BOOO!

14. I will not bore people on social media with my cats, my memes, my travel arrangements or what I threw up just after breakfast.

15. I will always ensure that my nouns and my verbs is in total agreement.

16. I will not over-use adverbs in my fiction writing as that makes it look fiendishly, embarrassingly and obsessively amateurish.

17. When writing long sections of dialogue I will learn to indicate who’s saying what now and again so readers do not lose the will to live.

18. When writing humour I will not append funny lines with “ha-ha” or “!!!!” because those do not make bad jokes funnier.

19. I will make my poems scan and rhyme; well, at least I will most of the time.

20. I will not use feeble little euphemisms for swear words. If I’m going to swear, I fricking-well will.

What are your New Year’s resolutions for this coming year?

Please share them here!

 

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