How to speak Euro-English

Europe,language,English,German,humor,humour,funny jokes

Manneken Piss is a small statue in the Euro center of Brussels, Belgium. I’m not sure I want to share his chocolate doppelgängers. How about you?

This Euro-speak story has been around for a while, but strangely doesn’t go away … so maybe we should prepare ourselves for it becoming a reality one day? *cringes*

With many thanks for bringing this to my attention to Howard Winn, in my Facebook group The Joke Street Journal. (Dooo join us on there if you enjoy some laughs…)

Euro-English as envisaged

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as ‘Euro-English’.

In the first year, ‘s’ will replace the soft ‘c’. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard ‘c’ will be dropped in favour of ‘k’. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome ‘ph’ will be replaced with ‘f’. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent ‘e’ in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing ‘th’ with ‘z’ and ‘w’ with ‘v’.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary ‘o’ kan be dropd from vords kontaining ‘ou’ and after ziz fifz yer , ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza.

ZE DREM OF A UNITED UROP VILL FINALY HAF KOM TRU !!

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking Churman lik zey vunted in ze furst plas.

How duz speking Euro grab u?

Plez shar.

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photo credit: verpichselt via photopin cc

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Thoughts

  1. Hi there – I see you’re involved with Esperanto which many thousands of people felt was a good idea at the time it was first put forward, and it probably was. You might be interested to read this article ( http://howtowritebetter.net/should-we-all-be-speaking-and-writing-globish ) where I share the thinking behind Globish – not a new language in itself but one based on a simplified version of English that’s easy to learn and use for non-native speakers. Although the article you have commented on here is a joke, there is a lot of serious logic in trying to create a universally usable language whether, like Esperanto, it’s completely new, or like Globish, it’s a simplification of an existing language. Sadly though, I think our world is still too diverse for such a scheme to succeed yet. How do you see this working out?

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