How to write fluent Snobbish

English language,snobbish,snob,aristocracy,upper class,royalty,class system,humor,funny jokes

Are you fluent in Snobbish? Here’s some help…

Only a few years ago, if you wanted to be “posh” in England, you needed more than just a cut-glass accent: you needed (and still do need) to know Snobbish … the secret language that tells people you really are from the “top drawer.”

I lived for a few months with an ultra-posh family in London (England) years ago and they were very keen to teach this yodeling young Canadian from the backwoods how to speak and write English not just properly, but properly. If I did my homework and learned fluent Snobbish, they reasoned, I eventually would be able to mingle with the British landed gentry with no more than a hint of North American accent to make me sound like a peasant.

Well-bred aristocrats would never be so rude as to tell you to your face when you describe something in a “common” way rather than say it in Snobbish, but they certainly are rude enough to guffaw elegantly about it as soon as you are out of the room, and snigger knowingly to each other when you walk back in again.

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You only have to look back on the sneering jibes among aristocrats when the British Prince William was going out with his now wife, Kate Middleton … her mother had once been an airline stewardess, and when Kate came into a room the young stags allegedly would bray “doors to manual.”

The bad news is that although even the young British royals have adopted the occasional brassy vowel sound or glottal stop, most of the following terms in Snobbish are still in common parlance. So to help you learn the basics of Snobbish in just a few minutes, here are the key words and phrases you need to know for both writing and speaking … (I’ve added in North American equivalents for the hell of it, too…)

Snobbish:  Country, going down to (never up, even if it’s to the north of London)
English:  Going to (somewhere other than London)
Americanish:  Going out of town

Snobbish:  A cup of coffee, a cup of tea
English:  A coffee, a tea
Americanish:  Some coffee, some tea

Snobbish: Daddy, Pa, Father
English: Dad
Americanish: Dad, Daddy, Pa, Pop (etc.)

Snobbish:   Dinner
English:  Tea, dinner
Americanish:  Dinner

English language,snobbish,snob,aristocracy,upper class,royalty,class system,humor,funny jokes

Drawing room, sitting room,
lounge or front room?

Snobbish:  Drawing room (from the 19thC “withdrawing room”), sitting room
English:  Lounge, front room
Americanish:  Living room

Snobbish:  Drinks party
English:  Cocktails
Americanish:  Cocktail party

Snobbish: Grandmama, Granny
English: Granny, Grandma, Nan, Nana, Nanny (etc.)
Americanish: Grandma, Nana, Nanny (etc.)

Snobbish: Grandpa, Grandpapa
English: Grandpa, Grandad, Grandy, Poppie (etc.)
Americanish: Grandpa etc., (as in English)

Snobbish:  Knife and fork
English:  Fork and knife, knife and fork, cutlery
Americanish:  Silverware

Snobbish:  Lavatory, loo
English:  Toilet, WC
Americanish:  Bathroom, washroom

Snobbish:  London, going up to (even if you live north of London)
English:  London, going to, down to, going into town
Americanish:  Going to London

English language,snobbish,snob,aristocracy,upper class,royalty,class system,humor,funny jokes

Mirror, mirror, on the wall …
or are you a looking glass?

Snobbish:  Looking glass (mostly obsolete now)
English:  Mirror
Americanish:  Mirror

Snobbish:  Lunch, luncheon (mostly obsolete now)
English:  Dinner, lunch
Americanish:  Lunch

Snobbish: Mummy, Mama, Mother
English: Mum
Americanish: Ma, Mom, Mommy, Mother

Snobbish:  Napkin
English:  Serviette, napkin
Americanish:  Serviette, napkin

Snobbish:  Paper handkerchief
English:  Tissue, Kleenex
Americanish:  Kleenex

Snobbish:  Pudding
English:  Sweet, afters
Americanish:  Dessert

Snobbish:  Scent
English:  Perfume
Americanish:  Perfume

Snobbish:  Sofa
English:  Couch, settee
Americanish:  Chesterfield, couch

Snobbish:  Sorry? Excuse me? What?
English:  Pardon? What?
Americanish:  Pardon? Pardon me?

Snobbish:  Supper (evening meal, usually light)
English:  Tea, high tea
Americanish:  Dinner, supper

Snobbish:  Swimming costume
English:  Swimsuit
Americanish:  Bathing suit, swimsuit

Snobbish:  Tea
English:  Afternoon tea
Americanish:  Afternoon tea

Snobbish:  Television
English:  TV, telly, box
Americanish:  TV, television

Snobbish:  Whisky
English:  Scotch
Americanish:  Scotch

Snobbish:  Wine merchant’s
English:  Off licence
Americanish:  Liquor store

Snobbish:  Wireless (mostly obsolete now)
English:  Radio
Americanish:  Radio

Humor in writing from HowToWriteBetter.netThere – now all you have to do is practise your neat handwriting plus your upper-class accent (round and about the house, pronounced rind and a bite  the hice ) and you’re all set to get invited to a garden party at Buckingham Palace…

What Snobbish words and phrases have I forgotten? Please share here!

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