More lessons in how to write nonsense, by the UK Daily Fail

Anther cracking selection of syntax and other grammatical howlers from the UK’s favorite Malaprop Daily …

Funny caption about Donald Trump

“…a 2005 recording of the president in which he boasted about grabbing women by the p**** while he thought he was off-camera…”

Why it’s essential to proofread even when you’re in a hurry to publish…

Playful: The Eastenders star was seen to playfully cock her leg for the cameras … so did her dog, Fido.

Michaella flicked her long blonde locks on the beach as she slathered on some lotion to beat the heat … that’ll teach her to use cheap hair extensions.

The bridesmaids wore light peach colored dresses with deep plunging necklines and sequin straps as they carried at the lavish ceremony on Saturday carrying white flower bouquets …wonder what they were carrying apart from bouquets?

Styled like a traditional shirt with short sleeves and a collar, Pamela instead tied her silk top into a bow at her chest – to reveal her toned stomach and famously plentiful cleavage underneath … Pamela did not look like a traditional shirt, believe me.

Caption fails from the Daily Fail

Interesting eye makeup, Katy.

Showstopping: Katy outlined her eyes with vibrant pink eyeshadow and burgundy lipstick … interesting eye makeup: showstopping is not what I’d call it.

Larking around: The Australian beauty hid her eyes behind yellow-tinted sunglasses and a yellow leather bag … I wouldn’t lark too much with all that stuff hiding your eyes.

Comeback! The singer has stepped back into the spotlight after taking a 12-year break from the limelight … so, she changed lights?

The outrage was of a similar tone to complaints about a 2005 recording of the president in which he boasted about grabbing women by the p**** while he thought he was off-camera … that recording will be auctioned at Sotheby’s and is likely to raise millions for his re-election campaign.

Funny captions from the UK Daily Fail

Tindall (left): a new career as a 3-day event horse

Tindall owned the horse, and by the time he was formally retired at Gatcombe’s Festival of British Eventing in 2011, his career had harvested five major championship medals, four of them gold … good for Tindall. He wasn’t much use at rugby anyway.

Just like Kate: Lottie, who is the sister of catwalk icon Kate Moss, slung a denim jacket over her shoulders which matched her azure talons … I don’t think Kate has azure shoulders, do you?

The surgery’s toll meant she spent nearly four months in a specialized recovery unit, barred from meeting her son, named KV until June … they called him VK from July onwards.

Goop hits back: Gwyneth’s doctors slam haters who accuse them of “quakery.” … absolutely. She’s far too 17th century.

Jeremy, showing off his gym-honed physique, opted for a pair of baby blue swimming trunks on the outing, which saw him take full advantage of his girlfriend as he fondled her on the beach. … bet that drew quite a large audience. 

Cruise control: Chloe ran her hands through her glossy locks whilst she rested with one arm wrapped around her beau … either one of her arms is extraordinarily long or her beau got strangled.

Mistakes from the UK Daily Fail

…hardly “sashaying to and fro” … a perfectly executed “sliding stop..”

Hi Ho Gina! Dare devil Gina was seen holding the reins with one hand while her steed powerfully galloped around the arena and sashayed wildly to and fro … actually that movement was very well structured and is called a “sliding stop,” you sports-ignorant pr*ck.

Jayne Warwick, 49, reveals how martial problems led to her summer affair … make love, not war.

A source at Heathrow Airport has revealed that Prince Harry has been arranging to pick girlfriend Meghan Markle up for months … sorry, I thought they had been formally introduced.

Pregnant Katie Piper proudly displays her blossoming bump with husband Richard Sutton in a see-through lace top … whatever turns you on, Richard.

In the next image she is on her phone as she sits on a black sofa opposite Mario who is a white shirt. … and a stuffed one, perhaps?

Putting on a show: Courtney’s swimsuit could barely contain her surgically enhanced bosom but ever the exhibitionist Courtney didn’t hesitate to whip it off in plain view … removable, too – clever surgeon.

Sir Bruce Forsyth died of bronchial pneumonia while surrounded by his wife … and suffocation, too?

Jeremy has one biological son Jeremy Jr, seven, with extranged wife Melissa is mother to his biological child Jeremy Jr, seven. … OK, we got that the first time.

What are your favourite howlers from your local or national newspaper?

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