Some, er, music and poetry writing for a change

Recently someone pointed out that despite our having a category on HTWB for music and poetry, posts on these topics have been thin on the ground recently. Grovelling apologies.

Some, er, music and poetry writing for a change

This is dedicated to the victims of the UK’s Cumbria floods and I hope it might give you a small smile, despite the terrible experience you have had just before Christmas. xx

To make up for it I thought – given the time of year – I should re-write the lyrics to a few favorite Christmas songs which I think count as (basic) poetry and can be sung to these popular tunes. Having got started on these three I was longing to keep going, and I have to say I love writing funny poetry, but I stopped at this selection… 

However I shrivel in the light of poetic stars like Steve Crawford and Mark Niel … both of whom are acknowledged poets in my local area here in Milton Keynes, England, so I am duly humbled.

Anyway, humble or not, sing along to the following…

JINGLE BELLS (Original)

Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one horse open sleigh

Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one horse open sleigh

Dashing through the snow
In a one horse open sleigh
O’er the fields we go
Laughing all the way

Bells on bob tails ring
Making spirits bright
What fun it is to laugh and sing
A sleighing song tonight

JINGLE BILLS

Some, er, music and poetry writing for a change

Jingle Bills: the curse of January

Oh, Jingle Bills, Jingle Bills,
Christmas makes us pay
Oh, what utter hell it is
When New Year comes to stay

Oh, Jingle bills, Jingle bills
Coming through the door
Piling up brown envelopes
A-gathering on the floor.

Crashing through the year
On credit and on fear
O’er the top we go
When Christmas time is near

Bills materialise
Scaring us away
What hell it is to realise
We’ve 30 days to pay.

Oh, Jingle Bills, Jingle Bills,
January sucks
Oh, what have we done to spend
So many precious bucks
Jingle bills, jingle bills,
Spending much decreased
No more fancy food or booze
Till Easter time at least.

WHITE CHRISTMAS (Original)

I’m dreaming of a white Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
Where the treetops glisten,
And children listen
To hear sleigh bells in the snow

I’m dreaming of a white Christmas
With every Christmas card I write
May your days be merry and bright
And may all your Christmases be white

I’m dreaming of a white Christmas
With every Christmas card I write
May your days be merry and bright
And may all your Christmases be white

DRY CHRISTMAS

(IN ENGLAND – dedicated to the victims of the UK’s Cumbria floods and I hope this might give you a small smile, despite the terrible experience you have had.)

Some, er, music and poetry writing for a change

If you’re in England, as I am, are you dreaming of a dry Christmas too?

I’m dreaming of a dry Christmas
Just like that day back in July
When the sun was out for
A half-hour or more
And all my laundry load got dry.

I’m dreaming of a dry Christmas
With every raindrop here that falls
May the sleet not drip down my walls
And may the plumber please be on call.

I’m dreaming of a dry Christmas
When all my bedding is not damp
When I don’t go mopping
The floor after shopping
And don’t get rain-related cramp.

I’m dreaming of a dry Christmas
Without those sandbags at the door
May the rain not spread ‘cross the floor
And may booze be the only thing to pour.

RUDOLPH THE RED NOSED REINDEER (Original)

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
Had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw him,
You would even say it glows.

All of the other reindeer
Used to laugh and call him names.
They never let poor Rudolph
Join in any reindeer games.

Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say:
“Rudolph with your nose so bright,
Won’t you guide my sleigh tonight?”

Then all the reindeer loved him
As they shouted out with glee,
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer,
You’ll go down in history!

DONALD THE POLITICIAN

Some, er, music and poetry writing for a change

Hair today, gone tomorrow?

Donald, the politician
Has a very bad toupé
Billowing from his forehead
Coloured just like dried-out hay.

All of the paparazzi
Laugh at him and call him names
Even his own staff members
Long to see his hair in flames.

Then one wet election day
Barack comes to say
“Donald, with your hair so lush,
We are going to kick your tush.”

Then all the voters giggle
When they see dear Hillary
Grab Donald’s fluffy toupé
Trumping his whole comedy.

Suddenly he’s just an egg-head
Like a shiny billiard ball
Just like that poor old Samson
When Delilah shaved his skull.

Now that Donald’s got no hair
U.S. folks can say
That’s just one of his pitfalls
Does he also have no b*lls?

Donald, the politician
Have a happy Christmas time
Make sure you get some new hair
Ready for your future slime.

What are your favorite “alternative” Christmas songs?

Please share!

.
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The Horse Lover's Joke Book by Suzan St Maur

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The Pony Lover's Joke Book by Suzan St Maur

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