Last time we had a look at 3 essential things you should do in the next month or so to get ready for writing at uni. We had some fun, we laughed (I did) and most importantly no-one got hurt.
This time I’m gonna do the ol’ switcheroo and give some tips on what not to do when preparing for writing at university.
I’ve decided to have even more fun with it this time so I’ll add this pre-warning – not doing these things won’t necessarily make you better writer at uni, but it can’t hurt to try.
5/ Don’t make a snowman out of Mr.Whippy ice-creams
The issue being, your hands will get sticky and if your hands are sticky, you’ll have no chance of being able to write decent essays.
If you must make a summer snowman, stick to using ice from the freezer or wear marigolds to keep your fingers mess-free.
4/ Don’t spend £105 million on Gareth Bale
Yes he’s a good footballer, there’s no doubting that, but no-one is worth that much money. And how is owning him going to improve your writing?
You’d be better off saving the money for freshers’ week – get yourself 50 million pints of snakebite instead.
3/ Don’t challenge an elephant to a game of Jenga
Not only is it not going to help gear your writing up for uni, you’d probably lose: the tip of an elephant’s trunk is remarkably dextrous.
If you must play a family board game with a large mammal, stick to scrabble with a giraffe. You’ll learn some new words that way (giraffes have a totally different perspective of the English language to humans).
2/ Don’t moan about the sun
If you do this, it’s proven that you’re 98% more likely to fail writing tasks at uni. That may or may not be a true…
Embrace the sun as your pal and you’ll be rewarded with a first* in every essay you ever write.
*subject to hard work, strong intellectual capabilities, a tutor who likes you, a bit of luck and other stuff.
1/ Don’t say #YOLO
I’ve been Jackson Rawlings and next time I will be too.
And while you’re here, don’t forget to stop by Suze’s Bookshop…books and eBooks to help you write better – and
to give to friends and family – from