Why it’s worth putting up with your kids

No matter how much your kids may drive you up the wall, there is always at least one good reason why you should put up with all the drama until they’re grown up. Here’s why, in verse, from the upcoming rude volume of poetry, “Mischieverse: rude humour that sort-of rhymes,” due out in September 2017.

Grandparents on HTWB from Mischieverse

Now when things are smoothing out, your brat is human, finally

KIDS

Don’t these kiddies drive you nuts?
What happened to those tots so cute?
Grow away, leave you behind
Yet when in poop, back home they scoot?

Love them dearly, wipe their bums [Read more…]

How a big bully cat got what he deserved – from a bird

The true story of a cat who thought he ruled the world … until a blackbird with a temper tantrum taught him otherwise. The latest excerpt from my forthcoming book, Mischieverse…and please share your own cats-for-world-domination stories with us in the comments below…

HTWB TC cat

A great big bully, he became – the terror of the neighbourhood

THE BIG TC

Once upon a time there was
A cat called Big TC
(That stood for “Tiger Cat” of course)
A brutal puss, was he.

TC came from friends in Kent
Whose pussy had been ravaged [Read more…]

Why you can love and hate your cat at the same time

Have you noticed how cats have an uncannily perfect sense of timing? They drive you up the wall until you’re at screaming point, then turn on the charm faucet full blast so your fury just melts away at their cuteness?

Here is a tribute to them in verse, maddening little b*ggers…

Cat humor on HTWB

“But, er, where the feck are you now, you sneaky little gobsh*te?”

PUDDYTAT

Puddytat, I love you so, but your arrogance is stifling
When you yowl to get outside and force me to obey
You sit there, bored and yawing wide, your interest merely trifling
“I may go out, but maybe not. There’s time to spare till doomsday.”

Much as I respect my cats I do get twitchy waiting
For them to make decisions as to if it’s in or out [Read more…]

Ode to the sh… birds

You can’t help admiring wild birds no matter how much they drive you crazy. Here are some humorous thoughts about the little feathered friends who cheer us up every day, even though the calling cards they leave behind can dissolve wooden fences, car paint and probably solid granite as well…

funny poem about garden birds on HTWB

What to do, oh birdie lovers? Tell my cats to kill them now?

THE SH… BIRDS

How I love the birds who go sh…
On my windshield and what’s more
All over my back yard – and yet it
Matters not. I love them all.

Those feathery little b*stards who do
Sit on my fence before the feeder [Read more…]

Valentines Day love from the Grammar Police

You can’t say we don’t celebrate romance here on #HTWB … even the Grammar Police have, er, something to say about Valentine’s Day. If you want an alternative to the schmaltzy goo that permeates February 14th, you’re in the right place. Enjoy.

HTWB Valentines Day humor

Take my heart its yours on a plate. Keep it till you learn how to punctuate.

VALENTINE’S DAY WITH THE GRAMMAR POLICE

Roses are red, violets are blue
That’s just a cliché. Don’t like it? Go scr*w.

Violets is blue, roses is red,
Get noun/verbs together, you puerile d*ckhead.

And roses are red while violets are blue
Don’t start with conjunctions, they’re strictly taboo. [Read more…]

Why FRESH is such a lovely word…

Do you have a favourite word? One that sounds as good as it means? Here’s one you might like to ponder – in verse, of course…on #HTWB

MIschieverse funny poems on HTWB

Fresh is the nip of hunger when you gaze at fruit and veg before you…

FRESH

Isn’t “fresh” a lovely word?
Invigorates your faith in life
Spices up those sounds unheard
Chases out the cobwebs rife. [Read more…]

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