Do you talk about “robust?” Maybe you should think again…

Given the sadness in our current climate of tragedies in the UK, here is a small, innocent and slightly rude bitch about something to give us all a much-needed smile…enjoy.

Funny poem about the word "robust"

Now this gallant term is used … For business plans we’re told to trust … And other crap that’s not confused … But merely solid and robust.

ROBUST

Such a “now” word ‘seventeen
Write about this much I must
Gritty word that vents our spleen
Come on, let’s all be robust. [Read more…]

Want to write better? Some advice in (humorous) verse…

Fed up with reading articles on how to write better? Try a quick lesson in verse, instead … fresh from my hard-working keyboard. (And if you’d like to read some more funny poems, see here…)

funny poem about how to write better

HOW TO WRITE BETTER

Grammar fascists please take note now
Better not play games with me
Split infinitives then gloat how
You have got away scot-free…

Nor will stupid, foolish use of
Apostrophes in the wrong place
Get you more than my own tough love
(More likely a hard slap-ped face.) [Read more…]

A naughty poem about the POTUS and the FLOTUS

Enjoy some somewhat naughty verse based on observations of the USA’s Don and Mel on their recent worldwide travels …

EDIT SUNDAY JUNE 4th: As someone who lives within a short drive of the London (England) Bridge terrorist bombing atrocity last night, I just want to say how devastated I am and I hope in running this light-hearted poem it may help a little to lift the sombre mood in the UK today. Our thoughts are with the victims and their folks. xx

funny poem about the POTUS

Can you blame lovely FLOTUS ignoring his plans, when you think where his hands have been groping ya’?

POTUS AND FLOTUS

(With apologies to supporters of the current POTUS. Don’t worry, there are things to laugh about on the other team, too…)

POTUS and FLOTUS in Twenty Seventeen
A mismatch-ed couple, now that is for sure
Age, sex and customs of distance extreme
And lack of each other’s original culture.

One thing in common though, easy to spot
So simple to see why they congregated
Brain cells that simply don’t function a lot
And IQs that seem really “bigly” stagnated. [Read more…]

Does your modern car bore you to tears?

If you love cars – the older, grittier muscle cars and sleek creatures like single seaters and drag racers – you’ll appreciate my sentiments in this rather rude look at most road cars we drive today. Enjoy, vroom, vroom.

funny poem about modern cars on HTWB

…give me a car with a big pair of b*lls…

CAR BORES

Why can’t a car be a car any more?
These factories on wheels leave me flummoxed
Driving today has becomes such a bore
Modern cars simply don’t have two b*llocks. [Read more…]

An election song to sing to doorstep canvassers…

If you’re in the UK you could be forgiven for saying you’re sick to death of local elections, general elections, referendums, etc. etc. So here is a little ditty you can recite or sing to the next group of canvassers to land on your doorstep, preferably to a tune similar to the first verses of Ella Fitzgerald’s “A Tisket, A Tasket.” (No, I’m not THAT old.)

funny poem about elections on HTWB

ELECTIONS

Elections, elections
Some purified collections
Of bullsh*t, pure bullsh*t
You really can’t deny. [Read more…]

Why it’s worth putting up with your kids

No matter how much your kids may drive you up the wall, there is always at least one good reason why you should put up with all the drama until they’re grown up. Here’s why, in verse, from the upcoming rude volume of poetry, “Mischieverse: rude humour that sort-of rhymes,” due out in September 2017.

Grandparents on HTWB from Mischieverse

Now when things are smoothing out, your brat is human, finally

KIDS

Don’t these kiddies drive you nuts?
What happened to those tots so cute?
Grow away, leave you behind
Yet when in poop, back home they scoot?

Love them dearly, wipe their bums [Read more…]

css.php