Why a roaring open fire is not always delightful…

As we say goodbye to chilly winter in the northern hemisphere, here’s a reminder of one of winter’s pleasures (unless you’re the one who has to clean it up) … in verse, from my forthcoming rude tome, Mischieverse. (NB: language has been tidied for a family audience…)

humorous poem about open fires

Want a fire? OK, right… Stack it up and light it then, next day YOU clean up the sh*te.

ROARING FIRE

Oh, I love an open fire
Such a welcome sight to see [Read more…]

Have you ever swallowed more than a pill from a blister pack?

Trust me, that’s not as ridiculous as it sounds. And to warn you of its dangers, here is another excerpt from Mischieverse, my upcoming volume of somewhat rude poetry…

Blister packs from Mischieverse on HTWB

Trust me, blister packs can fool you, never shove their stuff up yours

BLISTER PACKS

Blister packs, heady whacks
Why are these so fiddly?
Break your nails, right off the rails [Read more…]

Are man buns hair, or tumors rare?

As man buns are so fashionable right now, I have written a Mischieverse poem about them.

Mischieverse on HTWB

Does it really have to be there, perched on some dear d*ckhead’s brain?

My own cynical little brain can’t help but wonder whether they are actual fashion statements, or perhaps malignant growths of evil trifids spurting forth from male humans’ heads in protest against the recent market decline in conventional horror genre stories? Please read and share your conclusions…

MAN BUNS

Man buns make my skin just crawl
Such f***ing stupid thinking
What do they hope to share withall
And all such crap so stinking? [Read more…]

How a big bully cat got what he deserved – from a bird

The true story of a cat who thought he ruled the world … until a blackbird with a temper tantrum taught him otherwise. The latest excerpt from my forthcoming book, Mischieverse…and please share your own cats-for-world-domination stories with us in the comments below…

HTWB TC cat

A great big bully, he became – the terror of the neighbourhood

THE BIG TC

Once upon a time there was
A cat called Big TC
(That stood for “Tiger Cat” of course)
A brutal puss, was he.

TC came from friends in Kent
Whose pussy had been ravaged [Read more…]

National Grammar Day – celebrate with goofs from the UK Daily Fail

In honour of (USA) National Grammar Day tomorrow (March 4th, 2017) let’s celebrate with the pick of my entire collection of hilariously wrong quotes from that newspaper we all love to hate. (Who said the Grammar Police don’t have a sense of humor?)

national grammar day on HTWB
And please note, the quotes in bold below are verbatim. My own comments follow in italics.

**Bling: Kim posted this image of the £3.5m ring that was stolen on Instagram before the robbery. I thought the ring was stolen during the robbery – anyway, you were lucky to catch it all on Instagram. [Read more…]

How to write fluent Snobbish

English language,snobbish,snob,aristocracy,upper class,royalty,class system,humor,funny jokes

Are you fluent in Snobbish? Here’s some help…

Only a few years ago, if you wanted to be “posh” in England, you needed more than just a cut-glass accent: you needed (and still do need) to know Snobbish … the secret language that tells people you really are from the “top drawer.” [Read more…]

css.php