Email clichés we love to hate. And why.

Do you sometimes groan when you open an email and find it starting or finishing with a cliché that may be well-meant, but comes across as being as genuine / friendly as a cornered rat? And that’s just in your day-to-day eCorrespondence. It gets even better when it’s spam.

Email cliches we love to hate. And why.

Friend, foe, or someone trying to sort out my penile erectile dysfunction

In this run up to the Holiday Season when we’re focusing less on hard-nosed business and more on its lighter (but nonetheless important) aspects…do you agree with the following? [Read more…]

Grammar Police: 20 New Year’s Resolutions…

Here is sneak preview of my New Year’s resolutions for 2017. Do you agree with them? Or am I being too strict a Grammar Police officer?

Grammar Police New Year's resolutions on How To Write Better
1. I will not split another infinitive no matter how hard it is to really do it.

2. I will not use ridiculous, contrived words like “conversate” or “expiration” (what’s wrong with “converse” and “expiry” FFS?) [Read more…]

Humor from one of the world’s masters: Bob Hope

On his death bed, they asked Bob Hope where he wanted to be buried.
His answer was, “surprise me.”

Bob Hope and Ann Jillian entertain troups

Bob Hope and Ann Jillian perform for military personnel at the USO Christmas Tour during Operation Desert Shield.

If you remember Bob Hope, you’ll really enjoy this. For those of you too young to remember Bob Hope, ask your Grandparents and thanks for the memories.

This is a tribute to a man who DID make a difference.

[Read more…]

Caesar Salad. And don’t forget proper anchovies…

Whether you love or hate Caesar Salad, it’s popular enough – and ruined often enough by restaurants – to merit a slightly rude poem all about it. Bon appétit.

Funny rude poem about caesar salad by Suzan St MaurCAESAR SALAD

Caesar Salad, that’s my joy – a culinary homily
Repeated in Brit gastropubs with regular monotony
And Stateside served in volumes big enough to feed a family
But, for me, it’s an excuse for sheer and bloody gluttony.

Now, God help the commis chef who forgets about anchovies
And not those boring pseudo fresh jobs, thank you very mucho [Read more…]

CAN YOU HEAR ME???

We all know him or her … the one who bellows down their phone in a crowded train or bus and shares the most intimate details of their cat’s castration surgery with 46 other passengers on their way to work on a rainy morning.

Ring a bell? Here is a short poem to celebrate those bellicose cretins. Print, cut out and keep this to read the next time you’re tempted to shove their fuchsia IPhone 7 Plus so far down their throat, they’d be able to eat corn-on-the-cob with their external anal sphincter. Enjoy.

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CAN YOU HEAR ME?????

What would we do without our phones
Clamped firmly to our earholes [Read more…]

Why AWESOME, isn’t

Do you use the word “awesome” to describe a new cure for zits? A freshly-sharpened pencil? A second cup of coffee?

why awesome isn't awesome

Isn’t this signpost just awesome?

Then this little poem is for you: awesome

[Read more…]

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