Is your work driving you doo-lally today? Here’s an instant, permanent cure…

 

The Bumper Book Of Business Jokes

Over 500 wicked laughs (and 115 pages) about the workplace

for just USD $2.50 (GBP £1.60)

Over 500 wicked laughs about the workplaceOnce upon a time a long, long time ago (well, a while ago, anyway) there was a desperately earnest business writer called Suze St Cere, who slavishly researched and wrote really useful books about business writing, marketing, the English language and all that sort of serious sincere shit.

But she had a deep, dark and dirty secret…

In her spare time, well hidden from her friends, family and clients, she had also written a joke book.

One day Suze’s Fairy GodMother Accountant Geeta twinkled into Suze’s office, perched prettily on the desktop screen and began to speak while dusting off all the cat hairs with her magic wand.

 “God this place is a mess. Now I think you ought to get real about something. Your joke book about horses? Remember?” FGMA Geeta fluttered down behind the desk to retrieve a dead mouse.

 “That bloody joke book,” she rang out from the depths of the waste paper basket, “outsells all your business books put together. How long has this mouse been here? It’s fossilized. Now what does that tell you, my child?”

Over 500 wicked laughs about the workplaceHad a chuckle already? Download all 500 of them right now for just $2.50
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Poor Suze St Cere. It was no good: she would have to come out of the closet and reveal herself as a humor writer. Her lower lip trembled as she waited for FGMA Geeta to make the garbage and mouse magically disappear.

“Let me give it to you straight,” tinkled FGMA Geeta. “Don’t fart around with the business books any more. Well, OK, maybe one a year. But if you want to sell books and make a few bucks, write and compile more jokes. Lots of them. Now f***ing get on with it.” In a sparkle of fairy dust, she was gone.

And that, readers, is how Suze St Cere came to cut the crap and compile/write this book. (A lot of stuff in it is original.)

Over 500 wicked laughs about the workplaceGiggling now? It’s just $2.50 to guarantee giga-giggles  
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Not yet? OK – some samples

SocMed jargon buster
Aggrevator:  a website that collects and redistributes blogposts and news based on information hacked from people’s phones
Bogosphere: comfort break facilities solely for the use of paid-up members of the blogosphere
Chavatars: (Great Britain) avatars you can customise with fake Burberry clothes and accessories, tightly-pulled ponytails, excessive gold jewellery and white stiletto-heeled shoes
Drowser: one of the older-format browsers that is painfully slow
Extroll: how to describe your persistent blog critic whose address you have found and whose house you have just burned down
Flogger: a blogger who rants on at length about a topic until no-one is interested any more
Google Fuss: a relatively new social media platform gathering millions of users who, now they’re there, are chatting about the weather and wondering what to do next
Hashtags: symbols used to flag up suspected weed smokers and so warn that their comments and blog posts should be taken with a pinch of, er, salt.
Javascript: (USA) programming language developed by geeks who were wired on strong coffee and didn’t sleep for several days until it was done (this is true, by the way)
Midgets: standalone applications which are very, very small
Plodcast: a particularly long and boring podcast
Rememe: an aide-memoire to help you remember what the hell a meme was before everyone started abusing the term
Squitter: someone on Twitter with bad verbal diarrhoea whose tweets invariably get cut off midstream with no link to follow on
Taxonomy: contraction of “tax on the economy” which is a polite way of saying a country is soon to go bust
Treads: threads on blogs and social media platforms where the conversation is concerned solely with footwear
Weddinar: a live online weddings exhibition

Over 500 wicked laughs about the workplaceThat’s just the tip of the iceberg. Download the book right now – for the price of a sandwich
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A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome.
The employer read all his applications and said, “we have the perfect opening for a person like you.”
“Oh, great,” he said, “What is it?”
“The doorway.”

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed somewhat less than qualified for the job.
“Look Miss,” said the foreman, “have you any actual experience in picking lemons?”
“Well… as a matter of fact, yes,” she replied.  “I’ve been divorced three times.”

Over 500 wicked laughs about the workplaceMake sure you’ve got enough business laughs for a year or more – download your copy of The Bumper Book of Business Jokes right now!
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Business English Quick Tips will be back next week….

Now, that writing help you want will be with you in seconds

I have dragged myself, kicking and screaming, into the wonderful world of eCommerce, and my eBooks are finally available instantly (well, as long as you pay for them).

New: instant downloads for all Suzan St Maur eBooksThat’s as opposed to paying for them and then trusting me to send the books out to you once PayPal had notified me – often hours later. Thank you to the hundreds of readers who bought books anyway and trusted me to send them out manually. You’re stars!

Getting that eCommerce show on the road wasn’t easy, I can tell you.

I’m so spooked by technology that it has taken me nearly a year of paying for membership of E-Junkie before I could build up the courage to go find out what was needed to put 6 of my books up on there. Wimp or what?

But over a couple of days of pacing myself, I read up on the processes and experimented with one book until I figured I had got it about right. I had a couple of false starts, e.g. where I forgot to upload one book and wondered why the link didn’t work. Fail.

And voilà!

(Don’t you love these English-only spell checkers that insist “voilà” should be a “viola?” Quels cons.

As always in these circumstances, after figuring out the whole thing one should slap oneself on the forehead and say “of course! It’s so easy! Why has it taken me so long when I could have done this months ago?” Because, er, I’m utterly technophobic, that’s why.

But I did have to smile when my son asked me what I was doing, while I was struggling away with the E-Junkie processes. A snatch of the dialogue…

“Well, all I have to do, so it seems, is just cut and paste the HTML into the HTML editor on my site, and that’s it really.”

“Sorry Mum, you lost me. I just use techie shit for email, Facebook, Word and Excel. Haven’t a clue what you’re on about.”

It’s comforting to know that despite being Mum I do know a bit more about “techie shit” – in some areas – than a 21-year-old university student…

So what can you get as instant downloads now?

Click on the sidebar, top right, or to see individual eBooks, click on the green titles – go …

Business Writing Made Easy
From blogging to business emails, speeches to sales letters – all you need to know to write well for business in English

How To Write About Yourself
Simple, effective ways to make the most of yourself in writing, whether for an “about” page, CV/résumé, biography, testimonial and much more

How To Write Winning Non-fiction
Described as “the book writing coach in your pocket” … the  comprehensive guide to devising, planning, writing, publishing and promoting your non-fiction book

Super Speeches – how to write and deliver them well
How to develop, write, and perform speeches and presentations for all  business and social occasions, with practical tips on delivery, rehearsal, etc.

Banana Skin Words and how not to slip on them
Over 1,500 tips on how to avoid making common spelling, grammar and punctuation mistakes – the perfect guidebook to carry on any writing journey…

The English Language Joke Book
Hundreds of laughs about this crazy language … a perfect little eBook to entertain you in spare moments, when you’re travelling, etc.

…and there are more to come in the very near future.

So what are you waiting for?

In the time you’ve taken to read this article, you could have got all of these books in your inbox!

 

photo credit: greg westfall. via photopin cc

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