15 easy steps for, er, giving your cat a pill

Although I have shared this useful checklist here before (I think – sorry Google, but we’re human), I reckon it’s time for us cat owners to refresh our memories.

15 easy steps for, er, giving your cat a pill

Ignore rumbling yowls from cat.

This is particularly helpful when your vet gives you some pills for your cat that actually are big enough to choke a horse, and smiles beatifically while saying “just open his/her mouth with one hand, pop the pill in with the other, close the mouth and wait for him/her to swallow. Yeah, right.

Here’s the realistic way … [Read more…]

19 polite requests to suggest to your cat…

All of us cat owners (I have four) know very well that you can’t impose rules on them – only ask very, very nicely. Here’s a useful list of requests you can make; remember only to ask your cat, respectfully, to bear them in mind – preferably after s/he has eaten plenty of fresh lobster and is enjoying a relaxing wash on your brand new Parker Knoll

19 polite requests to suggest to your cat...

Be sure your cat is in a mellow mood before making these requests…

[Read more…]

28 facts of life for your cat to remember…

 

Funny jokes about cats by Suzan St Maur1.Screaming at the can of food will not make it open itself.

2.I should not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase leaves.

3.If I play “dead cat on the stairs” while people are trying to bring in groceries or laundry, one of these days it will really come true.

4.If I put a live mouse in my food bowl, I should not expect it to stay there until I get hungry.

5.The guinea pig likes to sleep once in a while. I will not watch him constantly.

6.If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.

7.Outdoor plant containers are not suitable for my afternoon siesta.

8.I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and growl at nothing right after my human has finished watching “The X-Files.”

Funny jokes about cats from humorist SuzanSt Maur

Outdoor plant containers are not suitable for my afternoon siesta.

9.My human is capable of cooking bacon and eggs without my help.

10.Television and computer screens do not exist to backlight my lovely tail.

11.No matter how dangly and attractive they are, my human’s earrings are not cat toys.

12.The canned cat food is already dead. I do not need to kill it by swatting bits of it all over the floor.

13.I am a carnivore. Potted plants are not meat.

14.I will never be able to walk on the ceiling, and staring up the wall and screaming at it will not bring it any closer.

15.It is not a good idea to try to lap up the powdered creamer before it all dissolves in the boiling coffee.

16.If my human wants to share her sandwich with me, she will give me a piece. She will notice if I start eating it from the other end.

17.The goldfish likes living in water and must be allowed to remain in its bowl.

18.I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside.

19.The large dog in the back yard has lived there for six years. I will not freak out every time I see it.

20.If I must give a present to my human’s overnight guests, my toy mouse is much more socially acceptable than a live cockroach, even if it isn’t as tasty.

21.As talented as I may be with kitty litter, my human will not be impressed with my attempts to build sand castles in the litter box.

22.I must not swat my human’s head repeatedly when she’s on the family room floor trying to do sit ups.

Funny jokes about cats from humorist Suzan St Maur

I am a walking static generator. My human doesn’t need my help installing a new board in her computer.

23.When my human is typing at the computer, her forearms are *not* a hammock.

24.Computer and TV screens do not exist to backlight my lovely tail.

25.I am a walking static generator. My human doesn’t need my help installing a new board in her computer.

26.I must not bring the city police to the front door by stepping on the speaker phone button and then the automatic 911 dial button.

27.I must not speed dial the overseas numbers.

28.I must not walk on the keyboard when my human is writing important emiognaierp ga3qi4 taij@3tgv aa35 a=

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