Anger vs Exasperation

A young girl who was studying for an English test at school came to her father and asked, “Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?”

The father replied, “It is mostly a matter of degree. Let me show you what I mean.”

With that the father went to the telephone and dialed a number at random. To the man who answered the phone, he said, “Hello, is Martin there?”

The man answered, “There is no one living here named Martin. Why don’t you learn to look up numbers before you dial?” [Read more…]

How to be insulting in English without using 4-letter words

Gone are the days when you could make someone shrivel up and crawl down a drain with an educated, upmarket insult. And I think that’s very sad. Surely it’s more fun – and more effective – to use clever insults rather than all those clumpy words representing body parts and bodily functions, sexual inadequacy, and other boring clichés?

My cousin Alyson in Canada sent these to me recently to remind us just how cutting a good, clean insult can be. Enjoy… and how about coming up with some new ones? Send yours in as comments – and I’ll try to think some up, too…

The exchange between Winston Churchill & Lady Astor:

She said, “If you were my husband I’d give you poison.”  He said, “If you were my wife, I’d drink it.” [Read more…]

Humor from one of the world’s masters: Bob Hope

On his death bed, they asked Bob Hope where he wanted to be buried.
His answer was, “surprise me.”

Bob Hope and Ann Jillian entertain troups

Bob Hope and Ann Jillian perform for military personnel at the USO Christmas Tour during Operation Desert Shield.

If you remember Bob Hope, you’ll really enjoy this. For those of you too young to remember Bob Hope, ask your Grandparents and thanks for the memories.

This is a tribute to a man who DID make a difference.

[Read more…]

CAN YOU HEAR ME???

We all know him or her … the one who bellows down their phone in a crowded train or bus and shares the most intimate details of their cat’s castration surgery with 46 other passengers on their way to work on a rainy morning.

Ring a bell? Here is a short poem to celebrate those bellicose cretins. Print, cut out and keep this to read the next time you’re tempted to shove their fuchsia IPhone 7 Plus so far down their throat, they’d be able to eat corn-on-the-cob with their external anal sphincter. Enjoy.

21714310901_3541157afb_b

CAN YOU HEAR ME?????

What would we do without our phones
Clamped firmly to our earholes [Read more…]

Some tips for your handy Latin phrase book…

If you want to write and speak better in Latin (and of course you do – don’t we all?) here are some handy tips from my archive that I’m sure you’ll want to print out and keep…original author unknown. Just in time for your summer holidays in Europe…

How to write better, er, Latin

Ego vere postulo ut ante – I really need to get ahead.

[Read more…]

Why you gotta love politicians

With elections due soon in the USA and the UK, to name but two, let’s be refreshed by these canny thoughts from people most of whom have been around the political block many times. Thanks to my good friend Laurence H. from London, England and Los Angeles, CA, for sharing…

Why you gotta love politicians

If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.
~Jay Leno~

The problem with political jokes is they get elected. 
~Henry Cate, VII~

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office
~Aesop~

If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these State of the Union speeches, there wouldn’t be any inducement to go to heaven.
~Will Rogers~

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.
~Nikita Khrushchev~

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I’m beginning to believe it.
~Clarence Darrow~

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you.
~Author unknown~

Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.
~John Quinton~

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.
~Oscar Ameringer~

I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them.
~Adlai Stevenson, campaign speech, 1952~

A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.
~ Tex Guinan~

I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.
~Charles de Gaulle~

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.
~Doug Larson~

There ought to be one day — just one — when there is open season on senators.
~Will Rogers~

What are your favourite thoughts on why you gotta love politicians?

Please share!

And should you be interested in learning more on how to express more effectively your political and other thoughts, check this out while you’re here…

 

css.php