Swearing: XXXX it, I’ve cleaned up my XXXXing language

OK, not everyone swears. But if you do let rip with the occasional 4-letter word, have you ever tried stopping yourself to use a “proper” word instead?

Swearing: why I've cleaned up my language

The (real) town of Shitterton, Dorset, England

As I write this I am in Canada and have been staying with my wonderful aunt who never swears, and has always frowned on us juniors using rude words in her company. So I resolved to clean up my potty-mouth while with her and use only the cleanest of expletives. [Read more…]

How to speak Euro-English

Europe,language,English,German,humor,humour,funny jokes

Manneken Piss is a small statue in the Euro center of Brussels, Belgium. I’m not sure I want to share his chocolate doppelgängers. How about you?

This Euro-speak story has been around for a while, but strangely doesn’t go away … so maybe we should prepare ourselves for it becoming a reality one day? *cringes*

With many thanks for bringing this to my attention to Howard Winn, in my Facebook group The Joke Street Journal. (Dooo join us on there if you enjoy some laughs…) [Read more…]

Why English is a crazy language to read and write

English,language,crazy,humor,funny jokes,hilariousSome more thought provokers from my good friend Eleanor S, who shares my fondness for the utter lunacy of the English language…

For those who love its philosophy of ambiguity, as well as its idiosyncrasies:

1. One Tequila, two Tequila, three Tequila, floor.

2. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

3. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? [Read more…]

The A to Z of top English misspelled words

We all know that English is a ridiculous language and has hundreds of stupid discrepancies in spelling, grammar, punctuation and more.

However just for the hell of it, here is an A to Z of 26 commonly misspelled English words…which are your favorites?

Apparant – ApparEnt

Brocolli – BrocColi

Calender – CalendAr

Definately – DefinItely

Experianced – ExperiEnced

Forward (to a book) – ForEwOrd

Grammer – GrammAr

Helpfull – HelpfuL

Independant – IndependEnt

Jam (part of doorway) – JamB

Kittan – KittEn

Lightening (as in thunderstorm) – LighTNing

Navel (armed forces) – NavAl

Obediant – ObediEnt

Parralel – PaRalLel

Questionaire – QuestionNaire

Reffered – ReFerred

Seperate – SepArate

Troop (of actors, dancers) – TroUp

Unneccessary – UnneCessary

Vice (clamp) – ViSe

Writting – WriTing

Xray – X-ray

Yoke (of an egg) – YoLK

Zink – ZinC

 

Now, if you are a little worried about your spelling, grammar and so-on, I’ve got two lovely solutions for you…

First of all you could buy my gorgeous little eBook “Banana Skin Words and how not to slip on them” – that’s where I got most of these examples from and there about 1,500 more in there! You can get that right now: just pay the measly little sum of $2.50 (less than you paid for your sandwich this lunchtime and if you’re in the UK, a lot less than you paid for that sandwich…) and as soon as PayPal tell me you’ve paid, it’ll be winging its way to you on the email airwaves. To save you clicking on to its page, here’s the wee button all set for you to hit…


 

Secondly, if you want a more in depth course or book but still only want to pay the silly little price of USD $12.00 – yep, just twelve bucks, or eight quid if you’re in the UK ….you can download “The 30 Day Basic Business Writing Challenge” from here … it comes as a whacking 130 page eBook on Kindle or PDF, or as an eCourse where you get one really useful “challenge” (i.e. a lesson and a fun exercise to try) per day for 30 days. Click here for more info. If you have even half as much fun reading it and working through it as I did writing it, you’ll be clamouring for more…

Am I nuts to sell the English Language Joke Book for so little?

I don’t know what has gotten into me.

Business is getting better by the day, despite the current financial crises.

My other business interests are picking up.

My son and I are not starving.

So why do I drop the price of this hilarious eBook, when it’s already doing pretty well at its previous price?

Because I want to spread the laughter further. It’s good for you, good for me, good for my business in the long run. Nuts? I don’t think so. Life’s too short.

So grab your copy now … before my accountant gets to hear about it and gives me hell for not being “business-like.”

It’s up for grabs – at the moment – for just $2.50 (about GBP £1.65.)

To remind you …

The English Language Joke Book

100s of laughs about this weird language of ours for just $2.50!

Here’s a mega-compilation of some fabulous humor about the English language all ready for you to enjoy in a handy, 115-page eBook. More than 22,000 words that demonstrate why the English language can be so hilariously funny! Grab your copy now, as the book will be going into a paperback/Kindle format soon and the price will go up. Just make your payment to PayPal and I do the rest – as soon as PayPal tell me you’ve paid I’ll email you your copy personally. What are you waiting for? Get laughing!

BUY NOW for just USD $2.50 (about GBP £1.65)




 

Go get it while my mood lasts…And for one or two more ridiculous bargains, check out my bookshop… before my accountant smacks me on the head and tells me to behave…

 

English language gender benders

Many of us thank our lucky stars that the English language, unlike many others, does not involve masculine or feminine interpretations of nouns. Phew. We’re lucky.

But supposing we weren’t, and had to make decisions on which terms should be which gender?

Here are some useful suggestions (original authors unknown.)

SWISS ARMY KNIFE — male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.

KIDNEYS — female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.

TIRE / TYRE — male, because it goes bald and often is over-inflated.

HOT AIR BALLOON — male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it… and, of course, there’s the hot air part.

SPONGES — female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.

WEB PAGE — female, because it is always getting hit on.

SHOE — male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.

COPIER — female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up -because it is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons are pushed – because it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed.

ZIPLOC BAGS — male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.

SUBWAY /UNDERGROUND/METRO — male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

HOURGLASS  — female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMER  — male, because it hasn’t evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it’s handy to have around.

REMOTE CONTROL — female…Ha!…you thought I’d say male. But consider:  it gives man pleasure; he’d be lost without it, and while he doesn’t always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.

Have you any more to add to this list? If so please do now in the comments bit!

Avoid benders in your writing!

“Super Speeches”…how to write and deliver them well

“How To Write About Yourself”…how to make the most of yourself, whatever you need to write

“Banana Skin Words and how not to slip on them”…over 1,500 spelling and grammar tips to perfect your written English

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