Why it’s worth putting up with your kids

No matter how much your kids may drive you up the wall, there is always at least one good reason why you should put up with all the drama until they’re grown up. Here’s why, in verse, from the upcoming rude volume of poetry, “Mischieverse: rude humour that sort-of rhymes,” due out in September 2017.

Grandparents on HTWB from Mischieverse

Now when things are smoothing out, your brat is human, finally

KIDS

Don’t these kiddies drive you nuts?
What happened to those tots so cute?
Grow away, leave you behind
Yet when in poop, back home they scoot?

Love them dearly, wipe their bums [Read more…]

Have you ever swallowed more than a pill from a blister pack?

Trust me, that’s not as ridiculous as it sounds. And to warn you of its dangers, here is another excerpt from Mischieverse, my upcoming volume of somewhat rude poetry…

Blister packs from Mischieverse on HTWB

Trust me, blister packs can fool you, never shove their stuff up yours

BLISTER PACKS

Blister packs, heady whacks
Why are these so fiddly?
Break your nails, right off the rails [Read more…]

Are man buns hair, or tumors rare?

As man buns are so fashionable right now, I have written a Mischieverse poem about them.

Mischieverse on HTWB

Does it really have to be there, perched on some dear d*ckhead’s brain?

My own cynical little brain can’t help but wonder whether they are actual fashion statements, or perhaps malignant growths of evil trifids spurting forth from male humans’ heads in protest against the recent market decline in conventional horror genre stories? Please read and share your conclusions…

MAN BUNS

Man buns make my skin just crawl
Such f***ing stupid thinking
What do they hope to share withall
And all such crap so stinking? [Read more…]

How a big bully cat got what he deserved – from a bird

The true story of a cat who thought he ruled the world … until a blackbird with a temper tantrum taught him otherwise. The latest excerpt from my forthcoming book, Mischieverse…and please share your own cats-for-world-domination stories with us in the comments below…

HTWB TC cat

A great big bully, he became – the terror of the neighbourhood

THE BIG TC

Once upon a time there was
A cat called Big TC
(That stood for “Tiger Cat” of course)
A brutal puss, was he.

TC came from friends in Kent
Whose pussy had been ravaged [Read more…]

Why FRESH is such a lovely word…

Do you have a favourite word? One that sounds as good as it means? Here’s one you might like to ponder – in verse, of course…on #HTWB

MIschieverse funny poems on HTWB

Fresh is the nip of hunger when you gaze at fruit and veg before you…

FRESH

Isn’t “fresh” a lovely word?
Invigorates your faith in life
Spices up those sounds unheard
Chases out the cobwebs rife. [Read more…]

Alternative facts: it’s official. Bullsh*t is beautiful.

Now that we’re free to say we’re sharing “alternative facts” when we bullsh*t, doesn’t that just open up a fantastic new range of possibilities for us all? Here are some ideas to get you started, but please share your own alternative facts in the comments below. Welcome to this wonderful new world!

Alternative facts on HTWB

Simply lie through your teeth with bloody hard whacks, and poof! It’s fake news that you’re selling.

ALTERNATIVE FACTS

Don’t you just love these alternative facts?
Perfect solution to boring truth telling
Simply lie through your teeth with bloody hard whacks
And poof! It’s fake news that you’re selling. [Read more…]

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