Writing about horses: a poem for car and truck-lorry drivers

On the increasingly rare occasions when you see horses being ridden on out the road, please bear in mind that they were out on those roads long before cars and even before the ever-popular and self-righteous bicycle. (Well, some self-righteous bicycle riders, anyway.)

Here’s a short ode, excerpted from the forthcoming “Mischieverse: rude humour that sort-of rhymes” to remind truck/lorry drivers, in particular, that despite your best efforts not to scare our noble steeds a little mechanical quirk can have disastrous consequences…(but unlike bicycle riders, we thank you for your courtesy anyway!)

Funny poems about horses on HTWB

Please wait till we’re truly past, or you’ll need to revive us!

HORSES ON THE HIGHWAY

Some motorists are very kind
To horses somewhat heated
You slow and stop, with engines off,
So we can remain seated. [Read more…]

Why a roaring open fire is not always delightful…

As we say goodbye to chilly winter in the northern hemisphere, here’s a reminder of one of winter’s pleasures (unless you’re the one who has to clean it up) … in verse, from my forthcoming rude tome, Mischieverse. (NB: language has been tidied for a family audience…)

humorous poem about open fires

Want a fire? OK, right… Stack it up and light it then, next day YOU clean up the sh*te.

ROARING FIRE

Oh, I love an open fire
Such a welcome sight to see [Read more…]

Have you ever swallowed more than a pill from a blister pack?

Trust me, that’s not as ridiculous as it sounds. And to warn you of its dangers, here is another excerpt from Mischieverse, my upcoming volume of somewhat rude poetry…

Blister packs from Mischieverse on HTWB

Trust me, blister packs can fool you, never shove their stuff up yours

BLISTER PACKS

Blister packs, heady whacks
Why are these so fiddly?
Break your nails, right off the rails [Read more…]

Are man buns hair, or tumors rare?

As man buns are so fashionable right now, I have written a Mischieverse poem about them.

Mischieverse on HTWB

Does it really have to be there, perched on some dear d*ckhead’s brain?

My own cynical little brain can’t help but wonder whether they are actual fashion statements, or perhaps malignant growths of evil trifids spurting forth from male humans’ heads in protest against the recent market decline in conventional horror genre stories? Please read and share your conclusions…

MAN BUNS

Man buns make my skin just crawl
Such f***ing stupid thinking
What do they hope to share withall
And all such crap so stinking? [Read more…]

A glass of wine, and why not?

Does a glass of wine at the end of a hard day’s work help you relax and unravel? Here on #HTWB is a tribute in verse to our liquid friend to whom we should be, er, grapeful…

HTWB wine 1

A glass of wine – and why not?

WINE

Nothing like a glass of wine
After work, you’re home and dry
Pour your stress right down the line
Well – down your throat, to pacify…

…but trouble is, does it really
Make you feel calm and bright?
Or does it blind your hormones
Into thinking all is right? [Read more…]

Have you read your Huff Post today?

It’s ever-more amazing what you read in the Huffington Post … a glorious nirvana for us bloggers and a promotional value of $$$s/£££s to say we’ve been published there.

Have you read your Huff Post today?

Love the hair, Arianna.

But wait. Could it be that this pinnacle of journalistic excellence is starting to doff its cap to a weensie bit of sensationalism now and then?

Here’s a little anthem to celebrate its emerging descent from intellectual superciliousness… [Read more…]

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