A poem for the hostess with the most-ess … who’s feeling atrocious

No matter how fantastic your party was, this poem in our humour section shares how – once everyone’s gone home – you just need to let it all hang out. Yes, everything.

A funny poem about the hostess after a rowdy party

At last it is bedtime and as I just mentioned, I feel as sexy as a muddy drain cover…

Here’s how..

After the guests leave

Well, that was fun, now! Wasn’t it just?
Eating and drinking and shooting the breeze [Read more…]

Why you should think twice about eating junk food…

A little poem I just cooked up to make you think carefully before ever eating junk food again. Warning: strong language in places.

FAST FOOD

Why you should think twice about eating junk food...Here is the latest in fancy fast food
A menu designed to inspire
Us all who would dine if we could find the time
But can only eat food on the flier. [Read more…]

How to be SMUG: a lesson in verse

As some of you know I love writing rude poems and here is one I penned while being a SMUG old cow in Canada recently…

How to be SMUG: a lesson in verseHow to be SMUG

Putting on weight?
Pants getting tighter?
The waist getting far too snug?
[Read more…]

Funny Poems on How To Write Better – Orange Shoes

An excerpt from Mischieverse, my first book of incredibly rude and potty-mouthed poems out on Amazon pre-order now…

Orange Shoes

HTWB brogues

This awful orange locomotion…

Such nice young men who seem to choose
Alluring jackets, suits and trews
But feet just shod in shocking shoes
Bright orange brogues, no matter whose.

In this good year, twenty sixteen
It’s hard to know why they’re so keen
To shock the eyes of all who’ve seen
Bright orange brogues, so painfully clean.

Suited now in browns or blues
With shirts and ties a Lord would choose
Matched with belts (and a few tattoos)
They mess it all up with those orange shoes.

[Read more…]

How to write poetically about the UK’s EU referendum

Here in the UK everyone is dying to (aren’t we?) go and vote, and decide whether the Brits stay in the European Union or leave it … so here is a simple ditty I have written for you and our lovely observers from around the world, in preparation for the monumental UK event called The Referendum.

How to write poetically about the UK's EU referendum

Just to ensure everyone with even a vague knowledge of English language culture can follow on, this oeuvre should be sung to the tune of popular children’s nursery song, Old Macdonald Had A Farm. These new words, however, are not suitable for the young or faint-hearted. [Read more…]

Does the word ICONIC make you tick – or sick?

If you agree with me that the word “iconic” has become a weensy bit hackneyed, join me in this poetic celebration…and Happy May Day Public Holiday tomorrow, if you celebrate that!

How to write better rude poetry, iconic

Forget your brain, just say the inane – and you’re sure to become iconic.

Iconic

So many things in today’s world
Plain average, not bionic
Just get your face in a public place
And you’re instantly iconic.

If you puke and pee very publicly
And deliver that as a comic [Read more…]

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