How to make a small fortune out of horses…

…start with a large fortune…!

If you or someone you know loves – or possibly hates – horses, here are some excerpts from an evergreen little book I wrote, The Horse Lover’s Joke Book and its younger sibling, The Pony Lover’s Joke Book. Some are old favourites, but many of them are original, written by moi.

Funny stories and jokes about ponies and horses

Suze and friend (Suze is on the right…) as drawn by caricaturist Simon Ellinas.

Given that there are more than 3 million privately owned horses and ponies in Britain alone, with many of their owners working two jobs to keep the little darlings in comfort, these excerpts will resonate with at least one or two of your friends and acquaintances. Feel free to print this out and share over coffee and cake with them!

Choices
“Why the sad face?” asked one of two riders out on a hack.
“My husband says I have to choose between him and my mare,” replied the second rider.
“Gosh, I’m sorry,” commented the first rider.
“So am I,” replied the second rider. “I’m really going to miss him.” [Read more…]

Writing about horses: these boots were made for, er, paddling

Have you ever asked a twitchy horse to walk down a stream without their having been formally introduced? I had, but usually the horse took my word for it and walked on, trusting me.

http://HowToWriteBetter.net

“Moi” on Georgie a, er, while ago
when I was a bit slimmer (ahem…)

But when it came to our Georgie? Nope. This 16hh TB mare was otherwise so quiet you could have ridden her down the middle of an Interstate highway in the rush hour and she wouldn’t have turned a hair.

However … [Read more…]

Writing about horses: nearly a mis-carriage

small_178297231“Idyllic, unspoilt lanes where cars must give way to pedestrians, cyclists and horse riders,” say the tourist brochures, “and motor vehicles are not even allowed at certain times of day.”  This refers to the romantically named “green lanes” on Jersey, largest of the (British) Channel Islands, where my young son and I went on holiday some years ago. Sounds idyllic, right? Not necessarily…. [Read more…]

Writing about horses: how to ride a small piano

HTWB thelwellIn the good old days when I weighed a mere 8 stone (112 lbs, 51 kilograms) I could ride smallish ponies without collapsing their lungs or creating S bends in their spines. This fact did not go unnoticed by my Belgian godmother, a successful national showjumper, riding instructor and livery yard owner who still lives just outside Brussels, Belgium.

Having taught me to jump on some of her horses, all of whom were the size of elephants but beautifully schooled, she decided that I was the perfect choice to help teach her young son’s pony a few manners.

This pony, unlike his larger stable mates, was not well schooled and like many vertically challenged individuals (at 12.2hh or approximately 1.20 metres) had all the social skills of a cornered rat. [Read more…]

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