Apparently the following delightful quips were actual answers from students to questions in science exams. Would you ask any of them to mail a letter for you? Enjoy…
For example: the following are (supposedly) actual excerpts from student science exam papers:
Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats backwards.
Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.
The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation.
Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about.
A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene triangle.
For fractures: to see if the limb is broken, wiggle it gently back and forth.
For drowning: climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artificial perspiration.
For head colds: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.
For snakebites: bleed the wound and rape the victim in a blanket for shock.
For asphyxiation: apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
For fainting: rub the person’s chest, or if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead.
For nosebleed: put the nose much lower than the body.
To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.
Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the organ of the species.
The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made man think.
The dodo is a bird that is almost decent by now.
A magnet is something you find crawling all over a dead cat.
The Earth makes one resolution every 24 hours.
The cuckoo bird does not lay his own eggs.
To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or both of them.
A circle is a line which meets its other end without ending.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
The moon is a planet just like the Earth, only it is even deader.
An example of animal breeding is the farmer who mated a bull that gave a great deal of milk with a bull with good meat.
We believe that the reptiles came from the amphibians by spontaneous generation and study of rocks.
English sparrows and starlings eat the farmer’s grain and soil his corpse.
If conditions are not favorable, bacteria go into a period of adolescence.
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Vegetative propagation is the process by which one individual manufactures another individual by accident.
A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.
Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
A person should take a bath once in the summer, and not quite so often in the winter.
The hookworm larvae enter the human body through the soul.
When you haven’t got enough iodine in your blood you get a glacier.
It is a well-known fact that a deceased body harms the mind.
Humans are more intelligent than beasts because the human branes have more convulsions.
Bar magnets have north and south poles, horseshoe magnets have east and west poles.
When water freezes you can walk on it. That is what Christ did long ago in wintertime.
Water is composed of two gins, oxygin and hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state.
When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.
Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars.
A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.
Equator: a menagerie lion running around Earth through Africa.
The body consists of three parts – the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain. The borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five – A, E, I, O, and U.
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