Business writing stories from the coalface…women’s conferences

Business writing stories from the coalface...women's conferencesNot that many years ago I used to augment my writing with work as a conference (convention) producer. This was usually by default when I had already written the scripts but the actual producer failed to show up due to food poisoning / recreational drug use / a better offer, etc. [Read more…]

How men and women, er, define things differently

Despite the blurring of boundaries between and among genders in recent years, it’s still interesting to note how men and women can differ in the way they view and define things.

How men and women, er, define things differentlyFor example…

Thingy (thing-ee) n.

Female…… Any part under a car’s hood.
Male….. The strap fastener on a woman’s bra. [Read more…]

Writing about woman in mid-life – funny, but…

Writing about women in mid-life - funny, but...

Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired moustache.

Thanks to the unknown author of this chilling list of harsh realities that women experience when we hit mid-life…

Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired moustache.

In mid-life women no longer have upper arms: we have wing spans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag. [Read more…]

Which sex is the better writer?

HTWB KnowHowThis should get us all going! With thanks to Grammarly for providing us with these intriguing notions…and donating $50 to say thank you, to to the literacy charity ProLiteracy.org.

[Read more…]

Why dogs are better than humans: a survey

Why dogs are better than men

dogs,humans,dogs are better than humans,women,men,humor,funny jokes,hilarious

Dogs are not afraid to look you in the eye

*Dogs do not think it’s “wet” to express their affection for you in public.
*Dogs don’t feel threatened by a woman who is intelligent, wears a trouser suit, earns more than they do or drives a fast car
*Dogs feel guilty when they’ve done something wrong.
*Dogs take the word “no” to mean “no,” not “perhaps” or “yes please” [Read more…]

An American’s guide to PC terminology

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as “HILLBILLIES.”

You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.

And furthermore…

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a “BABE” or a “CHICK” – She is a “BREASTED AMERICAN.”

2. She is not a “SCREAMER” or a “MOANER” – She is “VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.”

3. She is not “EASY” – She is “HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.”

4. She is not a “DUMB BLONDE” – She is a “LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.”

5. She has not “BEEN AROUND” – She is a “PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.”

6. She is not an “AIRHEAD” – She is “REALITY IMPAIRED.”

7. She does not get “DRUNK” or “TIPSY” – She gets “CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.”

8. She does not have “BREAST IMPLANTS” – She is “MEDICALLY ENHANCED.”

9. She does not “NAG” you – She becomes “VERBALLY REPETITIVE.”

10. She is not a “TRAMP” – She is “SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.”

11. She does not have “MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS” – She is “PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.”

12. She is not a “TWO-BIT HOOKER” – She is a “LOW COST PROVIDER.”

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a “BEER GUT” – He has developed a “LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.”

2. He is not a “BAD DANCER” – He is “OVERLY CAUCASIAN.”

3. He does not “GET LOST ALL THE TIME” – He “INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.”

4. He is not “BALDING” – He is in “FOLLICLE REGRESSION.”

5. He is not a “CRADLE ROBBER” – He prefers “GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.”

6. He does not get “FALLING-DOWN DRUNK” – He becomes “ACCIDENTALLY  HORIZONTAL.”

7. He does not act like a “TOTAL ASS” – He develops a case of “RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.”

8. He is not a “MALE CHAUVINIST PIG” – He has “SWINE EMPATHY.”

9. He is not afraid of “COMMITMENT” – He is “RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED.”

10. He is not “HORNY” – He is “SEXUALLY FOCUSED.”

11. It’s not his “CRACK” you see hanging out of his pants – It’s “REAR CLEAVAGE”

Make sure you take note of all those, ya hear?

Now, make sure your writing is PC…

“Super Speeches”…how to write and deliver them well

“How To Write About Yourself”…how to make the most of yourself, whatever you need to write

“Banana Skin Words and how not to slip on them”…over 1,500 spelling and grammar tips to perfect your written English

photo credit: Criss.AC via photo pin cc
photo credit: Johannes Steidl via photo pin cc

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