The funniest spam recipes you’ll ever read

It’s well worth taking a look at your junk file from time to time – often the garbage in there is so awful it’s hilariously funny.

Take, for example, this spam email trying to sell me hair care products. After a few sentences about the product, here is what ensued, I assume spun by some robotic software to act as a filler and take my spam filter’s attention away from the sales spiel. I’m surprised my spam filter didn’t die laughing…

Continue in the center, and a dish. Cook the greatest importance.

LEEK SOUP Put a coffee-spoonful of onion, a pound of cornflour in a wooden spoon, will fry slowly in, sprinkling it into a thick sauce, or cold mutton. Let it will take a thin piece of a little mustard, a dish quickly with some small cabbages boiled eggs to simmer. Add at the bones, mixing very good beef, which you can be nearly two hours. If you need be, unless that you have begun at once. I give special point of the following way: Take the leaves. Let this sorrel, reduce that should call a brisk fire till it a dish some cold cooked green has taken place. Fill some butter or six eggs and round a hole in butter to soak in cold they are brown bread and wash some good white sauce is used.

FRIDAY’S FEAST Cook some lettuce plenty of minutes. Take a scrap of dried flour, then pass it through the meat, cook gently so as big lump of rounds of bacon, which is like it, two glasses of hard till you wish to boil. It should be added a calf’s liver, lard them gently salted, let them in cold milk; melt them cook again serve very well. Drop in dice, and onions, such as much attention to the cabbage and bay-leaves, a white sugar and make a boiled a powdering of lettuce, and mix these with pepper and it to a nice sweet is over. Put the eggs and stew them in a cup, adding to cover it about a little seasoning with milk and fry in tarragon vinegar and press it five inches from the tureen and also with the lid. When the vegetables do not minced. Add sufficient water and salt. Stir cheese-balls in the table and pour over the bechamel.

CAULIFLOWER SOUP (BELGIAN RECIPE) Take a bean and roll in as usual, and then, above and serve the inside yellow aspic, and arrange them through a small saucepan with the top with slices of chocolate that is done at my best; and breadcrumb some cold meat, bread, and fold over. Tomato Sauce: Brown an egg and the size of an egg. Add three or other liqueur. This sort of butter cook can bind the peas to suggest antennae. A good soup-spoonfuls of boiling milk. Bind the sieve and ham, pour over perfection. Put it for ten minutes, then your eggs are placed at the heat through. Serve when boiled, shell the frying-pan, also added it to use some white sugar over the oven, with a slice and remove the leaves. Scoop out the prunes are cheap in cold meat, and decorate with pepper and skin them, make a little soda in four, the boiling fat, or twelve ounces butter, and one-half inch thick, cut in butter; add a half pint of recipes for a moderate fire, and throw in boiling water. (etc.)

HORS D’OEUVRES The sugar 1 or lard. When the pan into pieces if they are tender, remove the sauce to have some potatoes, and then cover them in one half moon, so much liked by the oven, or in thin piece of a slice of the sauce shredded parsley, a chopped hard- boiled in. The water or boiled and pour the oven, or cook in a gentle oven and the soup a pound flour, put in hot fat. When ready, strain and let it rest for ten minutes. When set a white sauce over them decorated with some minced veal in the artichokes and add a little white pepper and half a bit of eggs, and can be inexpensive dish) Cook them, sprinkle chopped onions (already fried) and place a powdering of the dinner of butter in a pint of all the size of the cream, adding long sponge biscuits, but using the yolks of white sauce and of duck or you will be a sharp taste and plenty of two onions, add milk, pepper and add the whites of the butter melt one-half inch long; put in the fruit in salted water; a good as you add the salt. Butter a few raisins, some chopped parsley scattered at the cabbage, adding salt and dish and salt and butter over, and cut it the tongue or haricots to it in pieces if any cooked as you eat all with fresh fruit, raspberries, strawberries, portions of vanilla, and lid. When all bones and a little water. (etc.)

Who, but who, writes this sh*t?

Now: bite back and brush up your writing!

“How To Write About Yourself”…how to make the most of yourself, whatever you need to write

“Business Writing Made Easy”…everything you need to know about writing for business in English

“The English Language Joke book”…hundreds of laughs about this crazy language of ours

 

photo credit: Nomadic Lass via photopin cc
photo credit: cvander via photopin cc

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Thoughts

  1. Don’t know how they arrived in a hair care product email, but I guess those recipes were perfectly good foreign recipes tortured by google translate. I can work out that they’re not German but would love to know what they were originally.
    As long as we only have the English translation, I think I won’t try them out 😉

    • I agree totally Angelika … one of them is supposed to be a “Belgian recipe,” but I speak French and very much doubt that could be the source language. It’s not German, as you say (a small number of Belgians are German speakers) – could it be from Dutch/Flemish, maybe?

  2. I would imagine that the Google Translate service writes these recipes, after consuming a few surreptitious alcoholic beverages that is.

    Do you mind if I repost on my food-based Facebook page (with a full link, of course)?

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  1. […] Is it just me, or is it somewhat hypocritical for people to display their contact information openly online and then throw their handbags on the floor when someone ‘spams’ them? […]

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