If you think the jokes you get in Christmas crackers are terrible, you ain’t seen nothing yet. Most of these are so awful that’s what makes them funny. I shared some of these a couple of years ago here on HTWB but thought you’d like to groan at them again, and if nothing else your kids will love them!
I have added my own thoughts to them which may make them easier to chuckle at.
A white rooster was strutting around the henhouse on Easter morning and came across a nest of eggs dyed every color of the rainbow. He took one look at the colorful display, ran outside and beat the living daylights out of the resident peacock. (Explain that one to your kids.)
The following thanks to JokesAboutEaster.com
What would you get if you crossed the Easter Bunny with an over-stressed person?
An Easter basket case! (Plenty of those on Wall Street.)
How does the Easter Bunny stay fit?
EGG-xercise and HARE-robics! (These gags always annoy me because hares and rabbits are two entirely different animals.)
What is the Easter Bunny’s favorite state capital?
Albunny, New York! (Hey – you forgot the capital of Portugal, Lisbunny. Then, how about a fluffy pencil made of carbunny? Or a drink that’s popular with many mommies and daddies, Bourbunny? Enough.)
What’s the difference between a counterfeit dollar bill and a crazy rabbit?
One is bad money, the other is a mad bunny! (An even madder bunny when stuck with bad money.)
How many Easter eggs can you put in an empty basket?
Only one – after that it’s not empty any more! (No sh*t, Sherlock.)
What’s long and stylish and full of cats?
The Easter Purrade! (Pussyfooting along, no doubt.)
Why shouldn’t you tell an Easter egg a joke?
It might crack up! (Or poach the joke.)
How does Easter end?
With the letter R! (Or with a family argument starting “R” for “row.)
What’s pink, has five toes, and is carried by the Easter Bunny?
His lucky people’s foot! (Amputations. Not nice.)
What’s yellow, has long ears, and grows on trees?
The Easter Bunana! (What’s yellow, has long ears, grows on trees and is a megalomaniac bully who runs a huge corporation? The Top Easter Bunana.)
How can you tell where the Easter Bunny has been?
Eggs (X) marks the spot! (Especially when the Easter Bunny has performed on your best rug.)
How did the Easter Bunny rate the Easter parade?
He said it was eggs-cellent! (No eggs-ceptions.)
Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose?
Because the powder puff is on the other end! (Most quadrupeds can lick their own ***holes. Why can’t it work the other way around?)
Why is Easter like whipped cream and a cherry?
Because it’s always on a sundae! (Sugar? SO last year.)
How does the Easter Bunny travel?
By hare plane! (Unless he has problems with eggs-cess luggage.)
How does the Easter Bunny keep his fur neat?
With a hare brush! (Might do better with a visit to his nearest haredresser, so he doesn’t endure a bad hare day. Did I really write that?)
What did the rabbit say to the carrot?
It’s been nice gnawing you! (Gnaw kidding.)
How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?
Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses? (No. Usually I step on disemboweled half-rabbits lying on my kitchen floor early morning and say words your kids shouldn’t hear. But then I have four cats and live in the country.)
How did the soggy Easter Bunny dry himself?
With a hare-dryer! (Should have gone back to see the haredresser.)
How does a rabbit keep his fur looking good?
With hare spray! (More likely to work if he uses hare conditioner. Oh, shut up, St Maur.)
Why did the bunny go to the dance?
To do the bunny hop! (Or to hare around … British expression …)
What kinds of books do bunnies like?
Ones with hoppy endings! (Or possibly, books about people who **** like rabbits, e.g. 50 Shades. Don’t share that with your kids.)
Why is a bunny the luckiest animal in the world?
Because it has four rabbit’s feet! (What if it’s a hare? Sorry.)
What did the rabbits do after their wedding?
Went on their bunnymoon! (And what did they do on their bunnymoon? Make lots more bunnies.)
Why can’t a rabbit’s nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot! (Lucky rabbit’s foot, of course.)
Why did the Easter Bunny cross the road (1)?
Because the chicken had his Easter eggs! (Try sitting on those and hatching them.)
Why did the Easter Bunny cross the road (2)?
To prove he wasn’t chicken! (Or because he had myxomatosis and a death wish.)
What do you get if you cross an elephant with a rabbit?
An elephant who never forgets to eat his carrots! (Or a two-ton rabbit with fluffy tusks. ZZZzzzzzzz.)
Why do we paint Easter eggs?
Because it’s easier than trying to wallpaper them! (I know the feeling.)
Who is the Easter Bunny’s favorite movie actor?
Rabbit De Niro! (Nah. I prefer Hare-y Styles.)
What has long ears, four legs, and is worn on your head?
An Easter bunnet! (Or maybe a fascinate-hare.)
Boy 1: “How did you get that bruise on your arm?”
Boy 2: “I ate some Easter candy.”
Boy 1: “Eating Easter candy won’t give you a bruise.”
Boy 2: “It will if it’s your big brother’s candy!”
(I can think of much more risqué versions of this one, but let’s leave it here for now.)
Why does Peter Cottontail hop down the bunny trail?
Because his parents wouldn’t let him borrow the car! (Or because someone fed up with Easter jokes tied his legs together. Good job.)
What do you call a dumb bunny?
A hare brain! (One more hare/rabbit gag and I’m out of here. Sz.)
How do you catch the Easter Bunny?
Hide in a bush and make a noise like a carrot! (A virtual bottle of Champagne to anyone who can tell me what a carrot sounds like.)
What do you call a rabbit that tells good jokes?
A funny bunny! (How about a punny bunny instead?)
What does a Chinese restaurant serve for Easter?
Colored eggrolls! (Filled with egg and stewed rabbit. Yum.)
Why did the Easter Bunny have to fire the duck?
Because he kept quacking all the eggs! (Leading to a new breed of fowl, “Chucks.”)
Even worse jokes about Easter – ETHER BUNNIES
Anna nother ether bunny.
Juan more ether bunny.
Stella nother ether bunny.
Justin other Ether Bunny.
Samoa Ether Bunnies.
Beryl of ether bunnies.
Sherwood like to see another ether bunny.
Dewey have to listen to any more ether bunny jokes?
Consumption be done about all these ether bunnies?
Cargo “beep, beep”…run over all the ether bunnies.
Orange you glad it’s not another ether bunny joke?
Have you lost the will to live? I have, nearly … but I hope you’re having a great Easter anyway!