Some “alternative facts” – actually they’re not alternative at all – about what Easter has become today. Written, of course, in the very rude style of “Mischieverse: rude humour that sort-of rhymes” by yours truly, to be published in September 2017. So grab a chocolate Easter egg and get this… 😉
And by the way … if you think this poem is cynical, get what the BBC News website had to say about Easter commercialisation right here ... LOL!
Yummy** Mummy just loves Easter
Rabbits, chicks, cute eggs and stuff
All her friends, too, have increased her
…appetite for schmaltzy puff.
With such foul proliferation
Of this Holiday’s sheer spin
It’s creating consternation
‘Cos commercial crooks creep in.
Now it’s not enough to hard-boil
…eggs for colouring and dyeing
Nor is it enough for snake oil
To give consumers a good hiding.
No. Today it’s just another
Chance for commerce to cash in.
Did you know you now should bother
With Easter decorations for your kin?
Wrap your home up in such cute sh*t
That your folks will fairly puke
Easter Tree with baubles on it?
What a f***ing awful fluke.
Then there’s Easter cards to send off
Spend a lot on them and postage
Why should people want to get off
On a thought so based on wastage?
And don’t forget your reservations
At a restaurant so handy
Home-cooked Easter’s innovations
Don’t do much for the greedy grandee.
Now, how else does Easter cut rough?
Sales of furry eggs and chicks?
Hideously fattening food stuff?
Sold by such uncaring pr*cks?
If you’re Christian, Easter’s crucial
If you’re not, we still respect it
Flip the b*rd to sh*t so brutal
That’s not how we should reflect it.
If you’re like that Yummy** Mummy
And you want those chicks and rabbits
Bear in mind that homes get slummy
When those small creatures get the squits.
How about just being normal
…while in most countries westernised?
Simply take time off informal
And say f*** off to “pressurised.”
** Also see further thoughts on “Yummy,” here.
If you enjoyed this, there are dozens more humorous poems and music articles right here on #HTWB …
Excerpted from “Mischieverse: rude humour that sort-of rhymes”
by Suzan St Maur
to be published in 2017
by Corona Books UK
© Suzan St Maur 2017