28 er, inspiring thoughts on getting older…

Much as it pains us wrong-side-of-50 whippersnappers, we soon will be looking down the barrel of old age. Here, at least, are some thoughts that if nothing else will help us a keep a sense of humor about it.

28 er, inspiring thoughts on getting older

With thanks to my good friend (and wrong-side-of-50 contemporary) Hester F., who shared some of the following with me…

Read on and be inspired – to laugh about getting older

1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

2) Insanity is my only means of relaxation.

3) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

4) You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.

5) You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

6) Perhaps you know why women over fifty don’t have babies? They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.

7) One of life’s mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a person gain five pounds.

8) Every time I think about exercise, I lie down until the thought goes away.

9) God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind, I will live forever.

10) It’s frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

11) I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.

12) There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is already full.

13) Time may be a great healer, but it’s also a lousy beautician.

14) The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.

15) Age doesn’t always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.

16) Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

17) Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.

18) Amazing! You just hang something in your closet for a while, and it shrinks two sizes.

19) It is bad to suppress laughter; it goes back down and spreads to  your hips.

20) Freedom of the press means no-iron clothes.

21) Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but they can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.

22) At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. Enjoy watching them stand on the brakes to slow down.

23) If you still use checks, make you write “for marijuana” on every one.

24) Skip down the street rather than walk. Count the number of disapproving looks you get.

25) Go to an opera performance and sing along as loudly as you can.

26) When your cash comes out of the ATM, jump up and down and shout, “I’ve won!”

27) Go to your nearest zoo or petting farm and when leaving, run out towards the parking lot shouting “run for your lives! They’ve turned them all loose!”

28) Pick up a box of c*ndoms at the pharmacy and in a loud voice, ask where the fitting rooms are.

Need some more laughs? Check out this category on HTWB …

And if you have any questions about writing, funny or serious, drop me a note at suze@suzanstmaur.com