Search Results for: puns

14 really clever puns, thanks to Ellen

This week’s #SundaySmile is a small but perfectly formed collection of clever puns, (or we should say, quality puns) as shared by my good friend Ellen of the excellent All About Quality company in southern England…14 really clever puns, thanks to EllenPsssstt … don’t tell Ellen, but I have heard a couple of these before … however there are some here that are new to me and, IMHO, are hilarious. Enjoy.

Which pun is your favourite?

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. [Read more…]

20 punsational jokes for the UK long weekend

In celebration of the first warm and sunny long weekend Bank Holiday in the UK since the Dark Ages, here are some of my favourite puns to give you a smile while you sit around the barbecue with a long, cold drink…

20 punsational jokes for the UK long weekend

With many thanks to the original authors, if anyone can remember who they were.

Which of the following puns and jokes make you groan the most?

1.I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, but also it’s terrible.

2.What’s a foot long and slippery? A slipper.

3.Two drums and a cymbal fall out of a tree. “Ba-dum-tsssss.”

4.I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from Toronto Zoo. [Read more…]

Silly puns and boom-boom jokes – groan

Who writes this stuff? No matter how awful I think they are I still can’t help laughing at them. Some Golden Oldies from my dear, pun-loving (and fun-loving) friend Laurence H from Los Angeles…enjoy.

Silly puns and boom-boom jokes - groan

Have to say, I’m glad I DIDN’T write these groaners…

The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death

I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin. 3 hours later and they’re still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they’ve lost the plot. [Read more…]

Yummy puns for foodies

puns,food,humor,funny jokes

I’m not kidding: puns really get my goat.

Some tasty puns for food lovers … bon appétit.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

I’ve seen some really awful truffles in my day.  Nobody knows the truffles I’ve seen.

When I realized I was addicted to Thanksgiving leftovers, I decided to quit cold turkey. [Read more…]

Puns-erama: can you laugh like a lexophile?

puns,lexophile,laugh,funny jokes,humor,hilarious,writing,Suzan St Maur, How To Write Better“Lexophile” is a word used to describe those who love using words in rather unusual (potentially pun-ridden?) ways, such as “you can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish”, or “to write with a broken pencil is pointless.” [Read more…]

Love puns? Become a PUNTHUSIAST!

Many thanks to a) my cousin Lindsay D in Ottawa and b) “Word Porn” for this delightful selection of puns for all you punthusiasts out there. I’ve seen a couple of these before but there are many which are fresh in my mind – hope they are in yours too.

And by the way, there is no such word as “punthusiast” … until now! Please take note, all you lexicographers and other jokers, that the mighty (well, fat) Suze St Maur has coined this NEW WORD … plus a few derivatives…

Punthusiasts love puns and exude punthusiasm. We read punthusiastically. And who knows: one day there may be a new science called “punthusiology.”

Anyway … enough with the new words and on with some puns – the truly serious business:

I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

I know a guy who is addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.

This person said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I had never met herbivore.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had Type A blood, but it was a Type O.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra (yes, this one I have definitely heard before!)

PMS jokes are not funny. Period.

Why were the Indians in North America first? They had reservations.

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory: I hope there’s no pop quiz.

Energizer bunny arrested: charged with battery.

Pun fan? You'll love these

I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

How do you make Holy water? Boil the Hell out of it.

What do you call a dinosaur with a huge vocabulary? A megathesaurus.

When you get a bladder infection, urine for trouble.

What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds.

I wondered why that baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Broken pencils are pointless.

Are you a punthusiast? If so please share your favorite puns with us here!

HTWB HUMOR logo smallPunperfect other ways to make you laugh, too (instant downloads)

“The English Language Joke book”…hundreds of laughs about this crazy language of ours
The Bumper Book of Business Jokes“…over 500 wicked laughs about the workplace
How To Smile Through Cancer“…a cancer survivor’s journey of life and laughter

photo credit: Valters Krontals via photopin cc
photo credit: Mac_NZ via photopin cc

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