Search Results for: spam

If you spam in English, FFS learn how to write it first

Do you spit fur and feathers when you get a spam-mail that insults your website’s performance … in bad, incorrect English? I do. I know I should just hit the delete key but these people’s conceited belligerence brings out the Taurean beast in me, as well as my writer’s indignancy at their often ridiculous use of our crazy language.

If you spam in English, FFS learn how to write it first

Do yourselves a favour: hire a native English language copywriter to rewrite your mailshots so at least some English speakers might take you seriously.

Jenny finds my website “very perspective” and it could soon disappear from search

Our Jenny Jones works for a company called Semalt.com, based in the Ukraine (or maybe Russia.) Here’s how she thought she could bully me into submission, notwithstanding the fact that her English is laughable… [Read more…]

Spam Writers Central – some of the funniest this month

You probably think I’m a pretty sad case for reading the written spam comments on my website. But if you like a good laugh, you should try it some time. Here’s my pick of recent pearls with, as usual my own reaction to them…enjoy. And choose your favourite in the comments below…

Spam Writers Central - some of the funniest this month

Which would be your favourite spam writer this month?

1. “I really liked reading this while eating a sandwich.”
Sweetheart, I can’t tell you how much pleasure this comment has given me. Hope that sandwich choked you or at least gave you the trots for 36 hours.

2. “No one saw the lost kitty?”
Ssshhh … don’t tell anyone, but the lost kitty had a smattering of good sense and ended up in my back yard after which she joined my furry family. I hope no one saw you losing the kitty because anyone who did will report you to your local animal protection people. Shame on you. [Read more…]

Email marketing: how to p*ss off your readers or spamees

When a classic email marketing no-no gets through your spam filter into your inbox, much as it’s annoying it’s worth taking a look to see what we can learn from it.Email marketing: how to piss off your readers or spameesIn this case (see below) its arrogance is diluted mainly by its authors’ ignorance of how to write properly in English.

Why native English matters when you’re writing for marketing, or even for spam

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A bumper crop of crap writing- Spam Of The Month Award II

And the out-and-out winner of the January 2018 Spam Of The Month award goes to Candidate number two:

Vanilla we-wee wins first prize

A bumper crop of crap writing - Spam Of The Month Award II

Everүthing cօmposeԁ made a great ԁeal of sense. Howevеr, think on this, suppose ʏou were to create ɑ killer title? I am not saying your content isn’t soⅼid, however suppoѕ yoᥙ addеd something that makes peoplе want more? I mean Locwl advertisers: stop writing ᴡe-wee aand start getting a decent ROI – tutorial | Hօw To Wrіte Betteг HTᏔB is kinda vanilla. Yоu mighht glance at Yahoo’s home page and note how they write news titles to grab peߋple to click. Ⲩoou might add a related video or a picture or two to grab people interested about everything’ve got to say. Just my opinion, it could maѕke your blog a little livelier.

My response (for what it was worth…)

This article has a naughty euphemism for urination (or micturition if you’re a urologist) in the headline and an image of a little boy peeing into a fountain (famous statue in Brussels, Belgium, actually.) If you think that’s vanilla your next stop needs to be a porno site. Oh, sorry. You ARE a porno site. 

Thank you all for your votes. Now, check out this month’s contenders

And there’s a bumper crop this month! Let’s get started… [Read more…]

Help us judge the Spam Of The Month Awards

Will you help us out here? We want to award a can of Spam to the writer of the funniest spam of the month but can’t make up our minds from the following. Which do you think deserves this glittering accolade?

Funny spam on HTWB

Have a look at your spam before you delete it … some of it is hilarious!

Speaking on behalf of all of us writers I love reading what other people write, especially when it’s the crazy, mashed-up bullsh*t you find in your spam folders. Most of it is complete gibberish, of course, but now and then I find a few little nuggets that make me laugh.

Spam Of The Month Award (SOTMA): the shortlist

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More writing hilarity from the spam folder … you couldn’t make it up

Have you ever taken a look through the spam folder on your website? OK, it’s mostly writing about cheap clothes, designer knock-offs, porno sites and so-on. But if you look closely there are also some hilarious ones…here’s my selection to round off the week and give us all a laugh.

Funny spam comments to make us laugh

i was juѕt wondering if you get a llot ߋf spam remarks? If so howw dߋ yoս protect ɑgainst it, any plugin or anything you can suggest?

In case your hemorrhoids are triggering an excessive volume of irritation, you may want to carry on having a cozy bath. Make sure you load the bath tub with tepid to warm water. The heat of your water may help ease the itchiness while cleansing out and dirt of microorganisms that could be in the community. Thanks, I’ll be sure to share that advice throughout my community.

naturally like your web-site butt yyou need tto take a look at the spelling onn quite a few of your posts. Many of them are rife with spelling problems and I in finding it very troublesome to inform the reality on the other hand I ill surely come back again. Hope your own spelling has improved by the time you come back, nitwit. [Read more…]

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