A Christmas guilt trip…

Do you have a relative like this? Although this is a joke, it might just ring a few bells with some of you!

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Do you have a catty relative who makes everyone feel guilty at Christmas?

Dear Darling Son and That Person You Married:

Merry Christmas to you and please don’t worry. I’m just fine considering that I can’t breathe or eat. The important thing is that you have a nice holiday, thousands of miles away from your ailing mother. I’ve sent along my last ten dollars in this card, which I hope you’ll spend on my grandchildren. Heaven knows their mother never buys them anything nice. They look so thin in their pictures, poor babies.

Thank you so much for the Christmas flowers, dear boy. I put them in the freezer so they’ll stay fresh for my grave. Which reminds me — we buried Grandma last week. I know she died years ago, but I got to yearning for a good funeral so Aunt Viola and I dug her up and had the services all over again. I would have invited you but I know that woman you live with would have never let you come. I bet she’s never even watched that video of my hemorrhoid surgery, has she?

Well son, it’s time for me to crawl off to bed now. I lost my cane beating off muggers last week, but don’t you worry about me. I’m also getting used to the cold since they turned my heat off and am grateful because the frost on my bed numbs the constant pain. Now don’t you even think about sending any more money because I know you need it for those expensive family vacations you take every year. Give my love to my darling grandbabies and my regards to whatever-her-name-is — the one with the black roots who stole you screaming from my bosom.

Merry Christmas.

Love, Mom

blog,writing,blogging,news,Suzan St Maur,howtowritebetter.net,how to write betterDo you have a relative-from-hell who makes everyone feel guilty at Christmastime?

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  1. Ha ha ha that’s hilarious! Fortunately I don’t have any relatives like that and if I did I’d give them a wide berth. I enjoyed reading the post 😀