A post-Thanksgiving lament written after cooking dinner…

To celebrate both the US Thanksgiving and Black Friday, here is a specially adapted version of a poem I wrote in my new book of naughty, humorous verse, Mischieverse. Hope you’ve had a wonderful Thanksgiving, and happy rest-of-the-Holidays to you all in the USA…

Funny poem about Thanksgiving
Post-Thanksgiving Lament

Thanksgiving is finished
The big bird is gone
Hacked with the carving
And perfectly spun…

…into many waste products
Down sewers and wells
In horrible forms
With horrible smells.

We who have cooked this
Are weary and tired
It’s like running a restaurant
Wrongly acquired.

If anyone asks me
For more bits of turkey
I’ll smack ‘em so hard
Their faces won’t worky.

Cranberry sauce?
More gravy and stuffing?
Go fix it yourselves
And no, I’m not bluffing.

My nails are all broken
My makeup is running
To think last Black Friday
I looked pretty stunning.

Now I resemble
A butcher in manners
With meat smells and fingers
That look like bananas.

My stomach is bulging
My hair is all matted
My face looks a bit like
A ball that’s been batted.

My clothes are all splattered
With goose grease and gravy
And water stains just like
You’d get in the navy.

So what am I going to
Cook for tomorrow?
Roast beef? Roast chicken?
A nifty stuffed marrow?

A roast pork with crackling?
A juicy roast duck?
Now, here’s the bad news
I don’t give a f***.

My time of delivering
These tasty creations
Has come to an end
I’ve just made reservations…

…for a restaurant, (risking
being slightly offensive)
As I love their food
But it’s bloody expensive.

Now here’s the bonus
Oh, love of my life
You’re paying for the whole meal
To honor your wife.

And by the way
Before we dine out
We’re going shopping today
That’s without a doubt.

Those Black Friday bargains
Are beckoning hard
And specially because they’re
Going on YOUR credit card!

© Suzan St Maur 2017

Mischieverse is Suzan St Maur's first book of naughty, humorous poetry ... coming soon from Corona Books UK.Thinking of buying some gifts for folks with a good sense of humour? Check out my latest book of hilarious and somewhat rude poems about the things that get up our noses every day … perfect to chuckle over.
Print or Kindle.

Some samples here.
Buy it here.
“An amusing sideways look at anything and everything … the perfect gift.” A E Rawson, novelist.
You’ll love it.