A worrying letter from Walmart…

Walmart, bless them (and ASDA, their UK incarnation) come in for a lot of jokes but I expect the corporate wallahs have a sense of humor. Unlike them, however, it seems the General Manager of this particular Walmart branch really did not see the funny side of Mr Jones’ practical jokes.

A worrying letter from WalmartHere is the letter the General Manager sent to Mr Jones’ wife, presumably as he didn’t feel that Mr Jones was sane enough to understand plain English…

Warning: not all of the following is really “safe for work…”

Dear Mrs Jones,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store with immediate effect.

Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Jones, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Homewares to go off at 5- minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s toilets.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, ‘Code 3 in Homewares. Get on it right away’. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her supervisor that in turn resulted in management getting involved causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the customer service desk and tried to reserve a bag of M&Ms.

6. August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department – to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’ Emergency paramedics were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the toy department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the whole store suspiciously while loudly humming the ‘ Mission Impossible’ theme.

12. October 6: In the autoparts department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!

15. October 23: Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room was. And last, but not least:

16. October 24: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, ‘HEY! THERE’S NO TOILET PAPER IN HERE.’ One of the staff passed out.

I’m sure you can appreciate, Mrs Jones, that we cannot afford such disruptions again.

Yours truly

(NAME)

General Manager
Walmart (CITY, STATE)

 

 

Comments

comments

Thoughts

*

css.php