An American’s guide to PC terminology

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as “HILLBILLIES.”

You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.

And furthermore…


1. She is not a “BABE” or a “CHICK” – She is a “BREASTED AMERICAN.”

2. She is not a “SCREAMER” or a “MOANER” – She is “VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.”

3. She is not “EASY” – She is “HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.”



6. She is not an “AIRHEAD” – She is “REALITY IMPAIRED.”

7. She does not get “DRUNK” or “TIPSY” – She gets “CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.”

8. She does not have “BREAST IMPLANTS” – She is “MEDICALLY ENHANCED.”

9. She does not “NAG” you – She becomes “VERBALLY REPETITIVE.”

10. She is not a “TRAMP” – She is “SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.”

11. She does not have “MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS” – She is “PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.”

12. She is not a “TWO-BIT HOOKER” – She is a “LOW COST PROVIDER.”


1. He does not have a “BEER GUT” – He has developed a “LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.”

2. He is not a “BAD DANCER” – He is “OVERLY CAUCASIAN.”


4. He is not “BALDING” – He is in “FOLLICLE REGRESSION.”


6. He does not get “FALLING-DOWN DRUNK” – He becomes “ACCIDENTALLY  HORIZONTAL.”

7. He does not act like a “TOTAL ASS” – He develops a case of “RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.”

8. He is not a “MALE CHAUVINIST PIG” – He has “SWINE EMPATHY.”

9. He is not afraid of “COMMITMENT” – He is “RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED.”

10. He is not “HORNY” – He is “SEXUALLY FOCUSED.”

11. It’s not his “CRACK” you see hanging out of his pants – It’s “REAR CLEAVAGE”

Make sure you take note of all those, ya hear?

Now, make sure your writing is PC…

“Super Speeches”…how to write and deliver them well

“How To Write About Yourself”…how to make the most of yourself, whatever you need to write

“Banana Skin Words and how not to slip on them”…over 1,500 spelling and grammar tips to perfect your written English

photo credit: Criss.AC via photo pin cc
photo credit: Johannes Steidl via photo pin cc




  1. I laughed so hard at this 🙂 I love your sense of humour and I hope LOTS of Americans read this!

  2. michael barry says

    Great stuff – we Brits went through a hefty phase of this stuff in the 70s and/or 80s. I only remember two: no -one is short any more, they’re vertically challenged. And for “dead” read “terminally challenged”! There were loads of them, all mostly hilarious. But you’re a Brit aren’t you Suzan? Didn’t you write AV scripts in the late 70s? Same person??
    Best wishes

    • Hi Michael – long time no see! Yes, indeed, I did write AV scripts way back when I started out in the late 1970s but I am not a Brit – I’m Canadian. Took a quick look at your site and was pleased to see that you’re still keeping busy.

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