An ode in honor of tired Holidays chefettes…


Do you feel exhausted having cooked meals for everyone over the Holidays?

Did you spend a lot of time in your kitchen over Christmas? If so, here’s a short poem you may identify with … created entirely by “moi” as the result of painful experience…

Christmas is over
The turkey is gone
Dismembered, digested
And perfectly spun…

…into many waste products
Down sewers and wells
In unmentionable forms
With unmentionable smells.

We who have cooked this
Are weary and tired
It’s like running a restaurant
Wrongly acquired.

If anyone asks me
For more bits of turkey
I’ll smack ‘em so hard
Their faces won’t worky.

Cranberry sauce?
More gravy and stuffing?
Go fix it yourselves
And no, I’m not bluffing.

My nails are all broken
My makeup is running
To think before Christmas
I looked pretty stunning.

HTWB PWW main in-post logoNow I resemble
A butcher in manners
With meat smells and fingers
That look like bananas.

My stomach is bulging
My hair is all matted
My face looks a bit like
A ball that’s been batted.

My clothes are all splattered
With goose grease and gravy
And water stains just like
You’d get in the navy.

So what am I going to
Cook for tomorrow?
Roast beef? Roast chicken?
A nifty stuffed marrow?

A roast pork with crackling?
A juicy roast duck?
Now, here’s the bad news
I don’t give a f***.

My time of delivering
These tasty creations
Has come to an end
I’ve just made reservations…

…for a restaurant, (risking
being slightly offensive)
As I love their food
But it’s f***ing expensive.

And here’s the bonus
Oh, love of my life
You’re paying for the whole meal
To honor your wife.
blog,writing,news,blogging,Suzan St Maur,, How To Write Better

Bon appétit!

photo credit: Tambako the Jaguar via photopin cc