And finally for travellers … funny jokes from around the world

It’s almost back to school time in most of the northern hemisphere – in fact in some countries schools have gone back already. But there is still enough summer sun left to appreciate some funny jokes about travel … especially if you have waited until after the summer rush to go and enjoy some sunshine.

And finally for travellers ... funny jokes from around the world

I got my braces (suspenders) caught in your door ‘andle.

Stooopid

A German tourist walked into a McDonald’s in New York City and ordered a beer. The local guy in the line behind him immediately gave him a verbal jab, “They don’t serve beer here, you moron!”
The German fellow felt embarrassed; however he turned to the New Yorker with a surprised look on his face and began to chuckle.
“And what’s so funny?” the New Yorker demanded.
“Oh, nothing really, I just realized how stupid you are. You came here for the food!”

Air crash

At the site, one lone survivor sat with his back against a tree, chewing on a bone. As he tossed the bone onto a huge pile of similar bones, he noticed the rescue team.
“Thank God”, he cried out in relief. “I am saved!”
The rescue team did not move, as they were in shock, seeing the pile of human bones beside this lone survivor.
Obviously he had eaten his comrades.
The survivor saw the horror in their faces and hung his own head in shame. “You can’t judge me for this,” he insisted. “I had to survive. Is it so wrong to want to live?”
The leader of the rescue team stepped forward, shaking his head in disbelief. “I won’t judge you for doing what was necessary to survive, but my God man, your damned plane only went down yesterday.”

Step on it

Two young guys were at a party in the woods when all of a sudden there was a downpour of thunder and rain. The two ran for about 10 minutes in the pouring rain, finally reaching their car just as the rain let up. They jumped in the car, started it up and headed down the road, laughing and, of course, still drinking one beer after the other.
All of a sudden an old man’s face appeared in the passenger window and tapped lightly on the window. The passenger screamed out, “Eeeeekkk! Look at my window!!! There’s an old guy’s face there!” (Was this a ghost?) The old man kept knocking, so the driver said, “Well, open the window a little and ask him what he wants!” So the passenger rolled his window down part way and said, scared out of his wits, “What do you want?”
The old man softly replied, “You have any tobacco?” The passenger, terrified, looked at the driver and said, “He wants tobacco!”  “Well, offer him a cigarette! HURRY!!” the driver replied. The passenger fumbled around with the pack and handed the old man a cigarette, rolling up the window in terror and yelling, “Step on it!!!”
Now going about 80 miles an hour, they calmed down and started laughing again.
The passenger said, “What did you think of that?”
The driver said, “I don’t know. How could that be? I am going pretty fast?”
All of a sudden, AGAIN there was a knock on the window and the old man was looking in.
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa! There he is again!” the passenger yelled.
“Well, see what he wants now!” yelled back the driver.
The passenger rolled down the window a little way and shakily said “Yes?”
“Do you have a light?” the old man quietly asked. The passenger threw a lighter out at him, rolled up the window and again yelled, “STEP ON IT!”
They were now going about really fast with the engine screaming, trying to forget what they had just seen and heard. Suddenly, again there was more knocking!
“HE’S BACK!”
He rolled down the window and screamed out, “WHAT DO YOU WANT?” in stark fear.
The old man replied gently.
“You want some help getting out of the mud?”

Mais bien sûr

There was another similar one years ago about a guy who pulled up at the traffic lights in a sleek, shining Ferrari. Already waiting at the lights was a French onion seller on a bicycle (you’re too young to remember those!! So am I, of course..)
The Ferrari driver looked down his nose at the Frenchman on the bike and as the lights changed to green he roared off up the road. A few seconds later, doing about 80 in 2nd gear, he was amazed to see the Frenchman overtake him, onions flying in the slip stream.
The Ferrari changed up into 3rd, by now doing about 95, and again the Frenchman overtook him on the bike. This happened for a third time and then a further set lights loomed up. The Frenchman stopped, and the Ferrari pulled up alongside him.
“How on earth could a grotty old bike like that be faster than my brand new Ferrari?” asked the driver indignantly.
“Seemple,” said the Frenchman. “I got my braces (suspenders) caught in your door ‘andle.”

Revolting

A Latin American tour guide was addressing a small group of senior citizens and telling them about the country they were visiting. When he asked if they had any questions, one
person inquired, “What is the number one sport in this country?”
“Bullfighting,” the guide replied.
The same person asked “Isn’t that revolting?”
“No,” replied the tour guide. “That’s number two.”

Do you have any favourite travel jokes?

Please share them now before we in the northern hemisphere get back to the work routine of autumn/fall. It’s amazing, and rather depressing, to think that we’re about to start the run-down to The Festive Season already …

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