And you think you’ve got problems? Sheesh…

Tip: print this out and keep it handy. Next time you’re feeling sorry for yourself, get it out and read it. I guarantee your problems will pale into obscurity… (original authors unknown.)

***In a hospital’s Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 a.m., regardless of their medical condition. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 a.m. on Sunday. So a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents. The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 a.m., all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits. Just when the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson, the part- time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.

***The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaska was $80,000.00. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

***A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

***Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped  through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.

***Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn’t pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with “Return to  Sender” stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

There now … feeling better???

More laughs – and useful ones, too:

“Banana Skin Words and how not to slip on them”…over 1,500 spelling and grammar tips to perfect your written English

“English to English: the A to Z of British-American translations”…more than 2,000 business and social terms from the USA, the UK, Canada, Australia and New Zealand

“The English Language Joke book”…hundreds of laughs about this crazy language of ours

photo credit: Scott Kinmartin via photo pin cc

Comments

comments

Thoughts

  1. SMILE …. another post to send to my brother. Thanks for these, Suze 🙂

  2. You’re welcome, Trudy!

  3. Just what we need – more smiles, miles of smiles and… No problems.

    It’s only 8.15am on Sunday morning – must get out of the way and beat the 11.00am terrors…..

  4. Glad you enjoyed them Lynn!

  5. Bloody brilliant and yes it did cheer up my day.

  6. Ahhh made me smile…the funnier and ironic side of life… 😉

Thoughts

*

css.php