Apostrophes: a potty-mouthed poem about their misuse

This is pretty horrible, but should wake up apostrophe abusers a lot more than the weedy articles we see politely explaining how to use the poor little things.

how to suse apostrophes

Do not fool with this small tool…

Apostrophe fascists around the (English speaking) world take note: share the following poem if you dare. Your readers may find it offensive but with luck it will get the message over.

A Poem For Apostrophe Dickheads

No such thing as PLURAL’S
TOILET’S, BOG’S
Or CHILI DOG’S
Or Suze’s BLOG’S
Or even smelly men’s URINAL’S

Want to make a plural, dear?
Add an S.
Just an S.
ONLY AN “S” !!!!
No apostrophe. Ya hear?

Belongs to IT? Then please write ITS
No apostrophe
Avoids atrophy
Catastrophe
Gets on everybody’s tits.

IT IS shortened equals IT’S
Just like HE’S
Or even SHE’S
It is a breeze
Apostrophes = shortened bits.

Do not fool with this small tool
A little prick
A weeny stick
Don’t be a dick
Or an apostrophe fool.

Does the misuse of apostrophes enrage you?

How many times to do we OCD writers and grammar fascists have to tell you? The more I see the misuse of apostrophes, the more I spit fur and feathers with rage.

This is not the first time I have written about apostrophes: my more polite (well, a little more polite) contributions are shown below. But the gross, ugly, ridiculous misuse of apostrophes still drives us woo-woo writers nuts. You might find this entertaining and OK, we grammar fascists have a sense of humour. Hee hee hee.

But do your readers, clients and prospects think it’s funny when you misuse an apostrophe?

Some further reading about apostrophes … enjoy.

Business English Quick Tips: apostrophes

 

Where you should stick your apostrophes

Does the misuse of apostrophes upset you?

Please share if it does.
And please share if it doesn’t … but WHY??? 😉
In the comments below!!

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