The Body Building Brainf*rt

If you are, or know someone who is, a body builder, this little poem will make you laugh (and think twice before reaching for the steroids.) Cheers to you, Muscles…

Body building funny poem

Were you just a skinny w*nker after whom no-one would hanker?


Pumpy, pumpy, pumpy pump
Body building’s such a hump
Grow your muscles giant size
Let your ego aggrandise.

Work your heart out every day
Exercise in every way
Lift those weights until you cry
Worth it to intensify.

Don’t forget to check each mirror
Check you’re still a training hero
Check how you look in windows too
After all, it’s the all-time you.

Now, of course you’re supplementing
Gobbling stuff for reinventing
That sh*t body you were hating
What a major undertaking!

Were you just a skinny w*nker
After whom no-one would hanker
Silly little specimen
Who needs a slurp of creatine?

Body building funny poem

Body building? Just a whim? No, let’s get back to the gym.

Let’s get going with more such garbage
Swallow down more chemical carnage
Sprinkled with some androgens
Hopefully free from pathogens.

Pumpy, pumpy, pumpy pump
Body building takes a jump
Now you’re taking supplements
You’re no longer on the fence.

No, it’s big time at the gym
You’re the main guy – forget him
Need more help? Just on your own?
Try a shot of growth hormone.

Now beyond those painful crunches
Drugs and supplements in bunches
Help you work in your own home
Really get you in the zone.

But there’s more, if you’re a convert
To this crazy, trendy, jerk art
Glucosamine and chromium
So many supplements – yum, yum

And more too: are you a-quiver?
Trying chewing dessicated liver
Or another well-safe bet
Like purest deer antler velvet?

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You’ll look like Arnie from the rear, and your t*ts will disappear

Course if you’re a girlie girl
And think you need to give a whirl
To body building, understand
You’ll end up looking like a man.

You’ll be like Arnie from the rear
And your t*ts will disappear
So think twice if that’s your pleasure
And contemplate some other leisure.

Pumpy, pumpy, pumpy jump
Are you feeling like a lump?
Body building? Just a whim?
No, let’s get back to the gym.

Well, at least the gym’s the least thing
That will influence your thinking
Once your mind is into phasing
That great body you’ve been craving.

Sad, though. As the gym’s the right place
Both to work and get some head space
Do yourself a favour, won’t you
Avoid the poisons that will tempt you.

Anabolic steroids maybe
Amphetamines to wakey-wakey
Growth hormones and damages
Like Aromatase and androgens.

Still want to build your body out?
Get real, kid. It’s a bad shout.
Build your body naturally
And live to old age peacefully.

If you enjoyed this, there are dozens more humorous poems and music articles right here on HTWB …

Have you read your Huff Post today?

Mischieverse is coming…

Excerpted from “Mischieverse: rude humour that sort-of rhymes”

by Suzan St Maur
to be published in 2017
© Suzan St Maur 2016-2017