Boyfriends or ponies? Key differences, for teenage girls

Does your teenage daughter love ponies, boys, or both? With the school holidays imminent in the northern hemisphere, teenage girls in many countries will be weighing up this major dilemma.

To help them, and to help parents help them, here are some, er, useful tips…

Boyfriends or ponies? Key differences, for teenage girls

Ponies do not normally get big problems with zits

Why ponies are better than boyfriends

Ponies’ feet and shoes usually don’t smell, unlike a boyfriend’s stinky socks and trainers

You can’t turn a boyfriend out into the field when you want some peace and quiet

You’re not likely to have to put up with a pony’s mum, dad, brothers and sisters at Christmas time

Your pony always thinks you look great, even when you haven’t straightened your hair

Ponies do not normally play, or watch on TV, football, rugby or other boring sports

Ponies do not need to be entertained by PlayStation, Wii, Xbox or other electronic activities

Your girlfriends won’t have any interest in chatting up your pony

Your pony won’t get jealous if you take your friend’s pony out alone for a hack

Boyfriends or ponies? Key differences, for teenage girls

Your girlfriends won’t have any interest in chatting up your pony

Ponies are not interested in shaving their heads or getting tattoos, body piercings, or holes through their earlobes the diameter of the Blackwall Tunnel

If you want to dump a pony, you just sell it or put it out on loan

You won’t get upset if your pony forgets to send you a Valentine’s card

After you’ve sold or loaned your pony, you know it won’t phone or send you miserable texts at 3 o’clock in the morning

You know your pony would never dump you – well, not in that way, anyway

Ponies’ friends are not normally loud and shouty, and don’t ignore you

Ponies do not normally get big problems with zits

You’ll never have to stand out in the pouring rain to watch your pony play soccer or rugby

Ponies do not play drums or loud guitar music in terrible rock bands

Ponies do not have small, tinny hatchback cars with 900 watts’ worth of stereo system blaring

Ponies’ stables are not littered with a half-metre depth of empty Coke cans, week-old, mouldy takeaway curry leftovers, school books, laptops and dirty laundry

Why boyfriends are better than ponies

Feeding your boyfriend a McDonalds is a lot easier and warmer than trying to tie up a haynet in the dark on a freezing night

If your boyfriend goes lame or gets ill, your parents won’t need to pay his vet’s bills

If your boyfriend gets tummy ache, you won’t need to walk him around and around a chilly yard until the vet gets there

Boyfriends or ponies - which are better for teenage girls?

If your boyfriend gets ill, your parents won’t need to pay his vet’s bills

Your boyfriend will usually get someone else to clip his hair, and you don’t have to pay for it

Boyfriends are much less likely to mistake your new blonde hair extensions for yummy haylage and so won’t be inclined to eat them

Boyfriends don’t normally object to getting into a trailer or lorry/truck

Boyfriends are usually (but not always) easier for non-horsey parents to understand

You can communicate with a boyfriend without using more than one or two aids

Boyfriends buy their own shoes, brush their own hair and go to the dentist by themselves

Boyfriends will come indoors out of a muddy, rainy field without you having to go and fetch them

What other advice do you have for pony-mad / boy-mad teenage girls this summer?

Please share your views in the comments!

pony humour by Suzan St MaurExcerpted from “The Pony Lover’s Joke Book” by Suzan St Maur… on all the Amazons. You’ll find the UK version here.

With grateful thanks for the use of this wonderful cartoon (above right) by the late and much-missed Norman Thelwell, to the Thelwell Estate 2013.

 

 

 

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