A horsey smell to your writing?

How to write better horse humour! If you love horses … or even hate them … you’ll appreciate some of the jokes I have curated – and written – in both of my humour books about these noble creatures: this one about horses, and this one about ponies, but essentially they work as a pair in helping us find humour despite the damned animals costing us fortunes while capturing our hearts.

A horsey smell to your writing?

Big brave horse … LOL…

Many of the jokes I have shared are traditional ones (i.e.out of copyright and free for us all the share.) But, many of the other gags and sequences are original. Hope you like them! And if you want some tips on how to write, curate and adapt jokes, check out this category here. Writing and curating jokes and other humour is a part of professional writing that I truly love, and that seems to attract a lot of interest here on HTWB.

Meanwhile, here are some of my favourite written horsey jokes…enjoy!

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Horse racing humour – jokes from the final furlong

Whether you enjoy the occasional flutter on the UK’s Grand National … or are a committed “form” expert punting away every week (…or just someone who enjoys a good laugh!) … this week’s #SundaySmile shares funny stories from the horse racing world…

Jokes about horse racing

The Shetland Pony Grand National … madness in miniature!

Who’s racing whom?
An elderly gentleman finally achieved his lifelong ambition and bought a race horse. But it didn’t seem to have much energy, so the old man got the vet in to look at him.
“This horse is very old,” said the vet.
“But will I be able to race him?” asked the old man.
“I expect so,” replied the vet. “And you’ll probably win.”

Bigger than…
A Texan racehorse trainer was visiting Newmarket, and got chatting with an English trainer in a pub.  [Read more…]

How to make a small fortune out of horses…

…start with a large fortune…!

If you or someone you know loves – or possibly hates – horses, here are some excerpts from an evergreen little book I wrote, The Horse Lover’s Joke Book and its younger sibling, The Pony Lover’s Joke Book. Some are old favourites, but many of them are original, written by moi.

Funny stories and jokes about ponies and horses

Suze and friend (Suze is on the right…) as drawn by caricaturist Simon Ellinas.

Given that there are more than 3 million privately owned horses and ponies in Britain alone, with many of their owners working two jobs to keep the little darlings in comfort, these excerpts will resonate with at least one or two of your friends and acquaintances. Feel free to print this out and share over coffee and cake with them!

Choices
“Why the sad face?” asked one of two riders out on a hack.
“My husband says I have to choose between him and my mare,” replied the second rider.
“Gosh, I’m sorry,” commented the first rider.
“So am I,” replied the second rider. “I’m really going to miss him.” [Read more…]

My secret writing hobbies … I’ve been outed, from rude poems to horses

It all started a few years ago when a friend asked me to write a poem for his father-of-the-bride speech about his son-in-law-to-be, whom he loathed.

Rude poems from Suzan St Maur

Limericks are not my forte: rude poetry is.

I wrote one that seemed innocent enough to those outside the inner circle, but was a slight stab up the nose for the poor SOB who had just married my friend’s daughter. What we ended up with was a funny limerick that made Dad’s point without causing the bride to faint from embarrassment.

Strangely enough, these days I’m working quite closely with the inimitable Lewis Williams who has written hilarious, filth-spewing limericks about endless places … [Read more…]

Cowboy jokes to laugh ya clean outta town…

Most cowboy jokes are either very rude or not funny, but I’ve gathered together a few that make me laugh without making me blush much. Some are from one of my titles, “The Country-Lover’s Joke Book.

Hi-ho, Silver, and enjoy – ya hear?

Funny jokes about cowboys

How to be a good cowboy rule #1: don’t squat with your spurs on.

Un-horsed
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink.  Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was.  When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.
He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.
“Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?!?” he yelled with surprising forcefulness.
No one answered. [Read more…]

Writing about horses special: the pick of HTWB

Do you love horses and horse riding? So do I … or at least I did before health problems made it nearly impossible for me to ride any more. Never mind.

As you can imagine I’ve experienced some amazing stories over my decades of horse riding: here is my pick of them…

Horses on How To Write Better

Me on Irish Draught mare “Willow” and son Tom on Welshie Section A “Taffy” just back from a hack in our English winter

In these articles I’ve shared some of the funniest and loveliest moments of my horse riding days

[Read more…]

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