A poem about political willie-waving, plus a few…

Feeling irritated by the political lunacy going on in UK and US politics? Me too. Here’s my reaction. Please share yours!

Political poem on How To Write Better

THE BREX-WALL SPECIAL 2019

Here in year twenty nineteen
Give this poem a good eyeball
Politics just make us scream
Brexit chaos, Trumpy’s wall [Read more…]

Valentine’s Day jokes and poems to make your day go with a, er, bang

A few years ago I curated some amusing Valentine’s Day (rude in places) content, and wrote quite a lot of new content in its honour.

Updated humour about Valentines Day on HTWBIf you should find yourself not quite in the gooey-eyed, romantic mood you should be in, say “to hell with it” and have some laughs. Here’s that content again…

Valentine’s Day rhyming couplets

Romantic first lines, not-so-romantic second lines

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I only slept with you, because I was p*ssed

I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother

Of loving beauty you float with grace.
If only you would hide your face. [Read more…]

How to write better New Year’s resolutions 2019

Here’s a little poem for those of you working out what your New Year’s resolutions will be this year…with some, er, tips on how to do a more realistic job of it than we sometimes do!

Poem about New year's resoluytions

How to write better New Year’s resolutions for 2019

It’s nearly here
That bright New Year
We’ve hardly failed to notice
Twen-tee nine-teen
Is all that’s been
Talked about since August.

In the UK
It’s not OK [Read more…]

Want a naughty gift at the last minute? Read this review

In case you’ve still got a couple of gifts to get for the Big Day next week, you might like to read this review of my dearly beloved book, Mischieverse … adult poems about many of the little things that p*ss us off from day to day.

The review is from Muddy Stillettos, a lively online women’s magazine in the UK. 

Why Mischieverse makes a very good adult Christmas gift

The perfect book for the downstairs toilet…

The perfect stocking filler for the intelligent female in your life…

and we’re sure the blokes will like it too!

Let me start by saying I loved this book of poetry and I think your mums, daughters, sisters and friends will too. Mischieverse is proper rude humour that laughs at life’s every day irritations that you’ll all recognise. It’s social commentary at its wittiest best and perfect for the intelligent people in your life (especially those who don’t take themselves too seriously).

[Read more…]

More English language lunacy: pronunciation poem from 1922

Many thanks to my son Tom who found yet another incredible testament to the sheer lunacy of the English language, in a poem written back in 1922 by Gerard Nolst Trenité (1870-1946), a Dutch observer of English.

Poem about English language

Say inveigh, neigh, but inveigle, make the latter rhyme with eagle.

Trust a sensible, no-nonsense Dutchman to show us how ridiculous English can be…and I’m so glad to realise that it isn’t just me, but several other writers over the years, who have felt the same way.

Let me start the ball rolling here in 2018, with three areas of my home city, Milton Keynes, England:

Broughton (pronounced Brawton)
Woughton (pronounced Woofton)
Loughton (pronounced La-owton)

Enjoy…

Gerard Nolst Trenité – The Chaos (1922)

Dearest creature in creation
Studying English pronunciation,
   I will teach you in my verse
   Sounds like corpsecorpshorse and worse. [Read more…]

What to write to overseas friends about Brexit…LOL

As we’re all wondering just what the hell will happen about Brexit to those of us who live in the UK, it can hardly be surprising that people living outside of the UK are utterly bewildered and wondering what even more about what will happen next.

I thought, therefore, that I would jot down a short, jocular poem (which you can sing to a favourite country music track, if you prefer) about Brexit to share when you’re emailing or texting your friends overseas. This poem will explain to them about as much as any of us here in the UK know.

Humorous poem about Brexit
THE BREXIT BLUES

(with apologies for a few expletives, but I have asterisked them.)

I got the Brexit blues, it’s giving me pain, danged Brexit
That Theresa May’s a star but she ain’t goin’ very far
‘Cos those good old boys called “Bruxellaires***
Got her right by her short hairs
And there ain’t nobody figures how she hacks it. [Read more…]

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