How to write better New Year’s resolutions 2019

Here’s a little poem for those of you working out what your New Year’s resolutions will be this year…with some, er, tips on how to do a more realistic job of it than we sometimes do!

Poem about New year's resoluytions

How to write better New Year’s resolutions for 2019

It’s nearly here
That bright New Year
We’ve hardly failed to notice
Twen-tee nine-teen
Is all that’s been
Talked about since August.

In the UK
It’s not OK [Read more…]

Want a naughty gift at the last minute? Read this review

In case you’ve still got a couple of gifts to get for the Big Day next week, you might like to read this review of my dearly beloved book, Mischieverse … adult poems about many of the little things that p*ss us off from day to day.

The review is from Muddy Stillettos, a lively online women’s magazine in the UK. 

Why Mischieverse makes a very good adult Christmas gift

The perfect book for the downstairs toilet…

The perfect stocking filler for the intelligent female in your life…

and we’re sure the blokes will like it too!

Let me start by saying I loved this book of poetry and I think your mums, daughters, sisters and friends will too. Mischieverse is proper rude humour that laughs at life’s every day irritations that you’ll all recognise. It’s social commentary at its wittiest best and perfect for the intelligent people in your life (especially those who don’t take themselves too seriously).

[Read more…]

More English language lunacy: pronunciation poem from 1922

Many thanks to my son Tom who found yet another incredible testament to the sheer lunacy of the English language, in a poem written back in 1922 by Gerard Nolst Trenité (1870-1946), a Dutch observer of English.

Poem about English language

Say inveigh, neigh, but inveigle, make the latter rhyme with eagle.

Trust a sensible, no-nonsense Dutchman to show us how ridiculous English can be…and I’m so glad to realise that it isn’t just me, but several other writers over the years, who have felt the same way.

Let me start the ball rolling here in 2018, with three areas of my home city, Milton Keynes, England:

Broughton (pronounced Brawton)
Woughton (pronounced Woofton)
Loughton (pronounced La-owton)

Enjoy…

Gerard Nolst Trenité – The Chaos (1922)

Dearest creature in creation
Studying English pronunciation,
   I will teach you in my verse
   Sounds like corpsecorpshorse and worse. [Read more…]

What to write to overseas friends about Brexit…LOL

As we’re all wondering just what the hell will happen about Brexit to those of us who live in the UK, it can hardly be surprising that people living outside of the UK are utterly bewildered and wondering what even more about what will happen next.

I thought, therefore, that I would jot down a short, jocular poem (which you can sing to a favourite country music track, if you prefer) about Brexit to share when you’re emailing or texting your friends overseas. This poem will explain to them about as much as any of us here in the UK know.

Humorous poem about Brexit
THE BREXIT BLUES

(with apologies for a few expletives, but I have asterisked them.)

I got the Brexit blues, it’s giving me pain, danged Brexit
That Theresa May’s a star but she ain’t goin’ very far
‘Cos those good old boys called “Bruxellaires***
Got her right by her short hairs
And there ain’t nobody figures how she hacks it. [Read more…]

Mini writing tips: your summer menu on HTWB

I’m off home to Canada soon (August 8th) so will be corresponding with everyone from there, until I return to the UK early in September.

And in case anyone’s wondering what happens to my crazy house here in the UK full of rescued dogs and cats? While I’m away my friends move in with even more crazy dogs. So I pity any poor burglar who tries to get through about seven pairs of snapping jaws. Anyway:

Right now I’m working on some handy mini writing tips for you to use…

what do you want help for in your writing

What can you write to help a friend who is seriously depressed?

[Read more…]

Here’s to our Easter Feaster…

Have you started on the Easter eggs yet? Better read this first… (and a very Happy Easter to you from HTWB!)

Here's to our Easter Feaster...

To paint an eggshell
Is an art few do well

EASTER FEASTER

Here comes our Easter
Well, what a feaster!
Stuffing our faces for four solid days [Read more…]

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