Diary of a social distancer – are you at the WTF stage?

Does normality seem like it was 100 years ago?
Do you feel that the effing COVID bug has kicked your legs out from under you and taken the p*ss out of everything you previously thought was OK?

Are you at the WTF stage about Coronavirus?

OKies … let’s hear it.

WHAT THE F*CK!!!

(Apologies to non-swearers but hey – come on, this is not an ordinary occasion.)

Scary times.

Made even worse by the fact that we don’t really know what next to be scared of.

What next? Not humour, FFS? 

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Diary of a social distancer 2 – who would have a Cockapoo?

Who would have a Cockapoo? Especially at Coronavirus time?

I wouldn’t have, except yet again I heard a long sob-story. That time it was about litter sisters aged nearly two who were to be split up and rehomed. Yes, I ended up with both of them.

The smaller of the two is the most loving, affectionate, welcoming, delightful, deceitful, scheming little killing machine you’ve ever seen on four curly, furry legs.

Mousey (back to camera) and sister Pippin having just had their hair done.

I renamed her ‘Mousey’ as I decided her original moniker of ‘Muffin’ was too gooey for her – that was after she had nipped out of the garden a few days after moving in, come back with an adult rabbit the size of a tomcat and killed it on the back doorstep. [Read more…]

Diary of a social distancer, 1

“You’ll give me a WHAT?” shouted the man behind the till, making his next-door colleague jump.

Poor chap. An employee of a Sainsbury Local store crapping himself about the coronavirus refused to pack my groceries because someone may have handled the carrier bag previously and licked their fingers to unstick it.

Who wants a squirt?

His eyes bulged behind his spectacle lenses, darting from side to side, looking for The Dreaded Virus in case it was coming for him with a chain saw.

“Tell you what,” I had said, “I’ll do a deal with you. [Read more…]

Working and writing from home? A veteran’s tips for Corona times

As the novel Corona virus pours increasing amounts of poisonous snot all over our daily lives, equally increasing numbers of workers are considering (and some are obliged to) work from home.

COVID-19 EPIDEMIC: After you’ve washed your hands and sung Happy Birthday for the 18th time today and fought the best of three rounds in the grocery store to nab a roll of toilet paper, read this article. It will cheer you up. A bit.

I have been working from home since the Ming Dynasty and am still alive (and solvent) to tell the tale. If you look on Google there is lots of serious and very valid advice about working from home. But here, on the other hand, is some slightly less serious but a damned sight more pertinent advice straight from the coalface. Enjoy.

New to working from home? Here’s the knickers-off reality …

How to dress
Many advisors who regularly drive their kids to school in scarecely-camouflaged pyjamas and slippers insist that for you to feel genuinely that you are going to work now you’ve been asked to do so at home,  you should wear your normal work clothes even when hacking at your laptop from your kitchen table which still is cluttered with last night’s Chinese takeaway detritus. This is utter b*llocks. [Read more…]

An, er, alternative Christmas quiz

Much as we all love to play games during the Holidays … I don’t know about you but I get heartily fed up with Monopoly, Christmas quizzes about the names of all Santa’s reindeer, and trying to laugh at the feeble jokes implanted into Christmas crackers.

Santa indicating the correct way to the North Pole after having been let down by his Sat Nav and found himself returned to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

Here, then, is a short quiz you and your folks might like to play instead of the pedestrian old stuff. I have tried very hard to keep it Safe For Work but just in case, don’t print this out and show it to your five-year-old, OK? And the answers are not rigid: creativity and rudeness should probably score higher.

The HTWB Alternative Christmas Quiz: the questions

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What we ALL can learn from Hanukkah

While wishing all our Jewish friends a very happy Hanukkah which starts today, it’s worth looking at why this story has lessons we can learn from it – whether we are Jewish or not.

The story of Hanukkah

The Menorah that celebrates the story of Hanukkah

According to History.com[Read more…]

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